I'm the new nanny at Lunamorte Manor. My boss is a real bloodsucker.

Lunamorte Manor.

The towering castle stood before me, vast and ancient. Gargantuan and looming.

Dark clouds swirling above threatened rain and I heard thunder crash in the distance as the ocean seemed to swell and heave around me on all sides. Whitecaps appeared on water that had been still and serene just minutes before. It had darkened as well, to match the sky, and now looked inky black as I watched the ferry disappear into the distance.

Made of grey stone, the place had a medieval look that reminded me of a fortress from a horror movie, with turrets and a winding stone staircase leading up to a wide porch at the entrance. The impending storm reinforced the illusion that this was the home of some monster or mad scientist, and I heard thunder clap again, closer this time.

I trudged up the stairs, my arms already tired from the weight of suitcases packed full, my legs heavy with fatigue. It had been a long journey to get there.

Once I got to the top of the stairs, the elevated view showed how alone I truly was. Nothing but ocean on all sides. The waves and whitecaps now looking tiny in the distance down below.

What if nobody was home? My heart began to pound as rain started to patter and then pour from the sky in fat drops and thunder boomed, now directly overhead, causing me to jump and let out a startled cry of terror.

I was about to announce my arrival (my hand reaching up for the large black cast iron knocker, molded to look like a bat), when the tall wooden slat doors opened up before me. There was no one behind them, I saw, as I entered the vast and echoing entrance chamber.

I assumed they had observed my arrival on hidden security cameras, because I hadn’t seen anyone since getting off the ferry.

Suits of armor, giant renaissance paintings, ancient artifacts, and sculptures adorned the grand foyer, and yet everything was dusty and cloaked in shadow. Swords were mounted on the walls in places and a black grand piano sat in one corner, looking neglected and in disrepair. The black and white checkerboard floors beneath my feet were similarly dirty and in need of a polish.

“Hello? Anybody home?”

It had been a long ferry ride to the island and the boat had been lacking a washroom. I was getting desperate and wanted to get the pleasantries with my new boss over with as quickly as possible, so that I could... visit the facilities, should we say?

How do you ask someone you just met if you can go number two in their bathroom?

This had the potential for awkwardness, I thought to myself, and my stomach churned and rumbled loudly as if to agree.

“Good evening,” a tall, gaunt man with pale skin and black hair appeared in the shadows on the balcony above, as if from nowhere. His voice was deep and accented, though where the accent was from I could not place. Eastern European, perhaps? But more specifically than that I could not say.

The shadows absorbed his face before I could get more than the briefest of glimpses. I saw him in the darkness to my right a moment later. He had gotten there much faster than was humanly possible.

This caused me to recoil and let out a slightly shrill cry for the second time in less than a minute.

“My apologies, my dear, if I frightened you.”

He stepped out of the shadows and began to walk towards me, taking slow, deliberate steps. His hands were behind his back and when I looked into his eyes I saw no light there, no glimmer of reflection to indicate humanity, only a dull black that absorbed all light and drew me in like a moth to the flame.

“I trust that your journey vas… vait a minute…” He came closer to inspect me. “You’re… You’re a guy… I vas expecting a vooman.”

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“A VOOMAN! You are a man!”

I looked down at myself and shrugged.

“Last I checked.”

“You are a man. And a nanny? YOU are the new nanny?”

“Ha-ha, yeah I get that a lot. I’ve heard all the jokes. People call me a ‘manny’ sometimes, but it’s all good. Hey, do you mind if I use your washr-“

“No, no, no. This vill not do at all. I vill have to call that damn agency again. I’m sorry but this isn’t going to vork out…”

Suddenly, from the shadows to my right, two young girls seemed to float towards me, their legs not moving and their feet appearing not to touch the ground. Their skin was pale, and they were wearing matching black dresses, their hair done up in pigtails.

“Daddy, daddy, is this our new nanny?”

“What’s his name, daddy?”

“Is he a hoo-man daddy?”

“Can we give him a tour, can we?”

They were twins, I realized quickly, and they appeared malnourished, judging by their red eyes with dark bags under them. They were pale and extremely thin as well.

“I’m sorry, girls. There’s been some mistake. Ve’ll have to vait a few more days for a new nanny to come. This man vas just about to leave.”

“But, why daddy?”

“What’s wrong with him?”

The two of them began to stamp their feet on the dirty floor sending dust motes into the air. This caused my throat and sinuses to become irritated and I began to cough. The coughing fit which resulted had the unfortunate effect of causing me to loudly pass wind in front of my new boss and his two daughters. I couldn’t help it. It just slipped out. It was a real squeaker too.

This caused the twins to absolutely lose their minds. They thought it was hysterical for some reason that I had just farted within moments of arriving. I told you. I really needed to use the bathroom.

“Uh, sorry about that.”

“He’s funny, daddy!”

“Can we keep him? Please?”

The man looked annoyed. He huffed and glared daggers at me, but then relented. It was obvious who ran the show around there.

“Alright. Ve vill let him stay on a trial basis.” He lowered his voice, “You really should have told me you veren’t a lady before you came. Highly unprofessional.”

“Sorry.”

“I suppose it is a bit of a unisex name, though, isn’t it? ‘Yordan’? I should have seen this von coming.”

“It’s ‘Jordan’, actually. But, yeah I’ve met a few ladies with that name, I guess. Anyways, I’m glad you’re willing to give me a shot. I really need this job, I have to be honest.”

“Right. Sure. Tough times and all that. Okay, follow me, I’ll show you to your room.” He muttered something under his breath and hurried away as I tried to keep up. Strangely, his shadows took a second or two longer to exit the room, as if they had a life of their own and were simply mimicking his movements. They danced and meandered on the walls and ceiling, procrastinating leaving until he was well down the hallway.

“Actually, if you could point me in the direction of a bathr-“

“This vay, Mr. Grupe, hurry on now, don’t delay. Ve haven’t got all day.”

“Right, okay. Coming.” I hurried after him, clenching my sphincter.

We arrived at a door on the upper level and he opened it and shoved me inside.

“This vill be your quarters for the foreseeable future. I’ll let you get settled.”

“But I really need to-“

He slammed the door shut and I heard it lock from the outside.

“Shit.”

*

The next few hours passed slowly. Eventually I stopped sweating and trembling and the terrible feeling like gerbils trying to claw their way out of my belly went away.

I really need to stop eating vending machine chili.

A new concern began to replace that feeling and I realized my body was probably switching out of the whole “Rest and Digest” portion of subconscious autonomic functioning and was now fully engaged in “Fight or Flight”.

Essentially, my body had decided that whatever gastrointestinal issues I was having, they were nothing compared to the imminent probability of death. At least for the time being.

This internal decision was likely made (without my conscious knowledge) after hearing the distant cries and wails and blood-curdling shrieks of help from somewhere deep within the manor. They seemed to come from below, and could be heard through the window sporadically as I waited. A few of them were cut short, making me wonder what had happened to cause them to cease mid-scream. Such an interruption is disturbing and unnatural. If you ever hear it you’ll know what I mean. But it’s probably better if you don’t.

The man came back to the door and knocked briskly twice before entering.

“Vhat have you been doing in here? You haven’t unpacked any of your clothes. Are you going to be wearing that to dinner? Really? You didn’t bring anything more appropriate than a T-shirt that says, ‘TOOL’? Is this your formal wear?”

Suddenly I realized where his twin daughters had gotten their habit of rapid-fire questioning.

“I thought I heard screaming. From out the window…” My voice was trembling and I tried to control it.

“Ah, yes. That vas… Unfortunate. Vell, I suppose I should just get this out of the vay.”

“Get w-w-what out of the way?” I backed away from him as he approached, his eyes hypnotic and dark, spiralling like whirlpools at night, filled with stars at their centers.

“You have to understand, I can’t tell the agency the truth. They vould never send another nanny out here if I did.”

“Oh no. Please. I have a family.”

“Ah, rub it in why don’t you?”

He stopped and blinked for a moment, then crossed his arms as if giving himself a hug. He took a breath before continuing.

“I guess you figured it out. I’m a single father. All alone out here on this cursed island. I had secretly hoped that one of my au pairs vould fall in love vith me and decide to stay here and be my vife. I know, it’s sick. I vould be banned from the nanny services if they found out my intentions but there it is.”

“What?? That’s your secret? I mean… that’s not cool at all. Not one bit. But it’s better than what I was expecting.”

He looked confused.

“Vhat did you think?”

“But what about the screaming??”

He looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

My stomach was beginning to do backflips again now that I had a moment’s reprieve from the threat of death. I started to think I was just imagining things. His daughters were just normal kids, they weren’t capable of hovering over the ground eerily like phantoms. And this man was just a normal guy. Sure it had seemed like he had superhuman speed earlier when he came to greet me at the door. And sure I had just heard bloodcurdling screaming off and on for the last three hours. But…

“Can I PLEASE use your bathroom?”

“I pour my heart out and that’s all you have to say?” He sighed heavily. “Alright, come on. This vay.”

I hurried after him and past pictures on the walls depicting portraits of prior Counts of Lunamorte manor. Their eyes seemed to twitch and follow me as I walked.

“Alas, all of my forefathers are rolling in their graves, sick to their stomachs at the thought of our line being finished. Ah, here we are, the servant’s bathroom.”

He pointed me into a cobweb-festooned room filled with dingy and tarnished old fixtures, a broken mirror, and very little light to speak of. Once he closed the door it was practically pitch black. But I pressed forward and took a seat on the cold throne that waited for me there.

Normally I would feel much better after… that… But I left the room feeling as if the world was spinning round in circles and sweat was pouring off of me and dripping on the floor. My stomach still felt like there was a cinderblock sitting inside of it as well.

I couldn’t remember what had happened to me in there, but I had a vague recollection of a severed hand leaking blood and pus that had crawled out of the toilet bowl from between my legs before disappearing into the bathtub.

It’s hard to do your business after that. But again, the memory was barely there, fading like a dream upon waking, and leaving only bits and pieces, flashes of imagery and feelings.

“What the hell is this place?” I asked Count Lunamorte, feeling utter despair and terror gripping me again. Why had I agreed to this?

“This is my ancestral home. Be careful of what you say, for I am not the only one who might hear and take offense.”

I was about to apologize when the girls came running down the hallway towards us, again seeming to materialize from nowhere.

“Daddy!”

“Hello, girls. It is time for your classes. Go on up to the study and I will meet you there shortly.”

The girls protested momentarily, saying they wanted to show me around and give a tour of the castle, but Count Lunamorte would not allow it. I could tell that classroom times were very rigid and inflexible, and was somewhat impressed at his structure as a homeschooling parent. Even if the class hours were a bit unorthodox. It was past 7PM and fully dark outside.

“You, on the other hand, will go down to the servant’s quarters to see my manservant Geoffrey. He will see that you are fed and will instruct you on tomorrow’s itinerary. I am having a get-together and the girls must not be allowed to interrupt. This will be a bit of a test for you, to see if you can handle the job.”

I nodded my agreement, afraid to upset this man who suddenly was speaking with the stern authority of a lord or duke. Then I remembered that “Count” was technically a royal title. Forgot about that one. This man was someone who was used to getting what he wanted without bickering or any sort of disagreement.

Putting my fears at having seen a disembodied hand running around minutes earlier, I told him I would go down to the servant’s quarters immediately and find Geoffrey.

He left me there in the upstairs hallway and vanished into the shadows. The glow of dim lamps hanging from wall sconces lit the corridor and I walked aimlessly, realizing I had no idea where I was going.

The place was like a maze. I tried to find a staircase going down and eventually spotted one.

It was a spiral staircase made of stone that descended down a great distance. The air became moist and chilly by the time I got to the door at the bottom. I was realizing that darkness was a bit of a theme in the manor by that point, as the wall sconces down this way were similarly murky and it was difficult to see in the light of them.

I saw no sign of anyone, but the count had indicated Geoffrey was in the basement, so I assumed I was on the right track.

Pushing open the door, I heard whispered voices and the squeak of rats. The space within appeared to be a dungeon.

“Excuse me, what exactly are you doing down here?”

I jumped and my heart nearly stopped in my chest, all the hairs on my skin rising up at once. My shock was so severe that I couldn’t even scream. I hadn’t heard anyone sneak up behind me. The man had been silent as a ghost.

Turning around, I backed up into the door, closing it and shutting off the whispered voices rising to an urgent pitch.

“S-s-sorry. I’m the new nanny. Jordan. How’s it going?” I stuck out my hand.

“Geoffrey.” He said, ignoring my pleasantries. “YOU are NOT to be down here. This way. Follow me.”

The man was bald and heinous-looking, his teeth pointed and sticking out of his mouth with a severe overbite. He wore a black wool trench coat over a three piece suit with a red tie. Shuffling back up the stairs with a limp, he stopped and looked back at me impatiently. I was still standing in front of the door, unmoving.

“See that you listen to me, or I’ll tell the count of your insolence. And he doesn’t take kindly to disobedience. Make no mistake about that.”

His eyes shifted unconsciously to the door I had just opened a moment before.

“I’m right behind you,” I said, taking a step forward and up the stairs after him. “By the way. I have to ask. Do you have any idea where I can find a decent bathroom around this place?”

TCC