**Read-through (Continued)**

> The room feels claustrophobic. “Who is all this rice for?” I asked the woman, grabbing her wrist and slamming her against the wall. “Who is it for?” 

This feels real and gritty, I like it. However, you seem to switch between past and present tense at inappropriate times. You do it again soon after:

> The home, once cozy and maternal, now seems a den of traps and bullets.

This isn’t the end of the tense confusion either. I would choose past or present and look through your story with an eye for editing what doesn’t fit.

That said, it’s not lost on me that this a powerful character reveal.

> I pushed her against the wall and I saw the tears under the folds of her eyes, leaking into the flaps so they moved to the side of her face.

I found this awkwardly worded. Folds of her eyes? You mean around her eyes? Her eyelids? What flaps now? Most of your writing is smooth and natural and I follow the story easily. When these sentences hit, it really stalls th

**Hello**

This was a good read. To me, there was a sharp contrast between prose that was very clear and direct, and prose that was pretty much purple. I sometimes found those purple lines, especially in the beginning of the piece, to side-swipe me and force me out of a nice flow. This might be a matter of preference since I tend towards clear writing.

I was very engaged by the majority of the story, especially the scene with the rice. I think you have a talent for the keeping the reader turning pages. However, I don’t entirely see the connection between the way you open and end talking about loving funky smells, and the content that comes between. I can make some sort of connection with him doing a dirty difficult job, but when I was done reading, even though I saw it connected to the way you introduced the story, I was still left wondering why you ended on the paragraph you did. 

**Read-through**

> Have you ever placed your nose on your dirty underwear to see if your old, hand-me-

Thanks, all. I’m going to do some cleaning since agreed that the prose needs work. Will rethink some execution as well. I wrote this in a mad fury and probably need some rereading. These comments definitely point me in the right direction.

[1586] Charlie in the house