Looks cool. If I get time today, I'll post my full critique.

*I feel like I should give this obligatory disclaimer: I'm still new to critiquing. If there's something that needs more elaboration, or if you have questions, please feel free to ask!*

This one felt like a rollercoaster! I have to say that I find your style to be quite over the top, with a lot of descriptive words that were funny but also sometimes a bit too much. I feel this piece has a lot of potential to be great, but it just isn't yet.

**Your writing style**  
Your sentences were often way too long, and don't give the reader much time to rest. A writing tip that meant the world to me when I first learned it: alternate between long sentences and short ones. This keeps the reader engaged without them tiring out.  
Next to that, you also use waaay too many commas. A lot of your sentences can be cut into two or sometimes even three. For example:  


> I always made a racket and irritated the caretaker with my nonsense, I was a slug, never useful, and I would never get a lasting empl

Any and all feedback welcome, thanks in advance

STORY 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fF_T4CzvLWBtXpsmGT9tuOB66usY1z-3rLeQFNzEzto/edit

CRITIQUE
(2196) https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/l4tan1/2196_the_players_chapter_1/gl3lq7y/

[2126] The Apartment (1/2)