Playin’ with short sellers emotions like matchbox cars. :)

Of course! And oh, my bad! I think I interpreted your question about story progression to mean that you intended to continue writing. But actually I think it is perfect as a standalone piece.

If there's nothing else after this, I do feel like you achieved your goal of showing Grant as the least affected, and that makes sense. I do still feel like he'd wonder what it would be like if his twin had lived. Even if he can't remember anything about it, he's grown up with his family talking about it. I could of course be wildly off; I've never been in that situation so I'm just speculating!

I probably wouldn't interpret the voice at the end as a feeling of loss, but that's just me. I still find it more of an intriguing cliffhanger that leaves it up to the reader to decide what exactly he heard. Either way, it's still great and I love the mysterious element.

It's a really great story so I hope you get some more reads and other opinions!

Hi! Thanks for taking the time to give me such a detailed critique on a mid-length piece :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and this is super useful to me, especially going line-by-line to help me get the wording just right - I was definitely having trouble with that! I just wanted to ask your thoughts/clarify because it seems like you're under the impression that this is an opener to a book, but my intention was for this to be a standalone short story :D I wanted to paint a portrait of a family affected by loss, but the person in the center of it, Grant, was too young to really understand or be affected by it. And all the other family member's thoughts were supposed to highlight how much they're missing, and how much they think Grant might be hurting, but he himself doesn't notice. And the voice at the end was meant to suggest that maybe he did feel a sense of something missing or a sense of loss, but really doesn't know, if that makes sense?

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>It came from behind me*—*as if someone were speaking into the back of my neck *—*but, I hadn’t been paying attention; I didn’t catch what was said. 

It seems a bit odd for him to be focusing on *what* was said instead of just the general fact that he heard a voice in a car that no one else but him is in. haha

Also, just above this you said, "I hear a voice behind me," so do you need to repeat, "it came from behind me"?

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>The truck behind me lets out a concisely rude honk, and I turn up the radio before speeding up again, trying to erase any doubt from my mind. 

I love the ending, and it seems like a very logical reaction. There is a part of me that wishes it ended with a lil memory or thought of his brother, just to tie back into what the bulk of the rest of the piece was about!

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**Structure & Style:**

I quite like that you shared from 3 perspectives. I can totally see you continuing to switch between them if you continue this piece.

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Hey, this is really lovey! I am also a fan of the idea. (:

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>It would be a family of boys. At least that’s what I joked to Katie about*—*much to her chagrin*—*when we found out we’d have a second pair.

I like your first sentence. It has character, and it gives me a bunch of info about this family right away. Minor note, you might consider adding "second pair **of twins**" just for clarity. (And then you can remove the later line "Prepared for two sets of twins." as another commenter suggested.)

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>And Cole and Brian’s baby clothes would fit Grant and Kyle.   
>  
>And Grant fit into their baby clothes.

Later I understood the significance of these lines, but in the moment I was confused. It seemed like an error, like you meant another character and accidentally used Grant's name. I think the line "And Grant fit into their baby clothes." needs to be reworked.

Maybe revise to something like, "But only Grant wore their baby clothes." or "But Grant was the only one who

Thanks for sharing. It's a good piece. There's already a lot of good feedback in there, so I can't add much, but I will say that someone commented about letting the reader connect the dots. Many readers want to do a little work, and to have you as an author lead them nearly the whole way, but to leave breadcrumbs such that they can put the final pieces together themselves. They often want to work for it. Consider alluding to things a bit more, not divulging the whole state of this family so directly right up front, and letting the reader imagine what happened. You mention a car and a license early on. Was there a car accident maybe? Or a hit and run? Why do these family members carry so much pain? Maybe try playing around with the order of things. Don't reveal that one of the brothers has passed until closer to the end, as opposed to in the first third. Rearrange things and experiment with the structure. These are just some suggestions, and don't let them count for much because I'm sti

Here's a lil' story for the week. I'm not sure how I feel about the mechanics, and how well I differentiated the voices of the different characters, but I'm a fan of the idea at least. Hopefully there's clear progression to the story, even if it can't be considered a plot.

[\[1665\] - Two](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sCf5MC2pwmC5nUdouQ3lC9sw-uT0XO1Ic_IpoT6eO28/edit?usp=sharing)

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Anyway, thanks for the critiques, and 🚀 BUY 🚀 GME 🚀 AND 🚀 HOLD 🚀

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Critique:

[\[3738\] - In Passing](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/l0zcwt/3738_in_passing/gk34pej?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[1665] Two