Source
r/dating•
Delta_DeConstruct

What happened to normal people?

Venting

I'm having a really hard time meeting people; I don't really use social media aside from the general entertainment aspect since I know nothing will come from it. But I feel like when I started using OLD back around 2008 there were a lot more attractive women on there compare that with today over half of the women are so fat that I genuinely question if some of them are wearing a fat suit. I get it, looks aren't everything, but it's hard to argue that general health isn't a reflection of lifestyle and priorities. I don't think I'd have such a hard time meeting people if I didn't work such a shitty shift overnight at amazon, which I have gotten some numbers from (all of these girls had boyfriends so it was a no go for me since I've done that whole song and dance before), and we weren't in the middle of a pandemic I don't think it'd be so bad. That said, when I do meet attractive women what usually comes along with them is either some sort of radicalization to the left or right, some sort of history of drugs or cheating (general impulse control issues I will not compromise on), not actually single just not loyal or being manipulative to their partners, and/or having kids (not a strict dealbreaker if she doesn't start off by badmouthing the father/s). The only other thing I run into is more of a longstanding issue of women only being interested in dating across and up from their existing economic class, which if we're being fair, isn't unreasonable I just don't fall into the category of 'up' for most women.

I've got an extremely high IQ, have a degree, am always testing myself physically and intellectually, in pretty amazing shape for my age, work extremely hard at work to maintain and improve my standing, and I can fix just about anything (I have other talents but these are the ones that should be most important). 30 years ago, these would have been fantastic qualifications for finding a partner, but today I'm just a small fish in a huge ocean. It's kind of discouraging but I can say that after being in two extremely volatile relationships I've come to realize that it's better to be single and wanting than it is to be in a bad relationship wanting out but not wanting to give up on the relationship.

I know it's kind of a bit of a rant here, but if anyone reads this and it resonates with you, just remember that most of us are in the same boat. We're all trying but we have certain ideologies and narratives fighting against us and creating cannon fodder resulting in mass confusion into the values we personally hold juxtaposed against the values our social groups hold. We're all in this together, keep fighting and keep improving.

Posted Feb 5, 2021, 1:09 PM UTC

139
[deleted]•

[deleted]

12
[deleted]•

Love it.

1
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Hey man, say what you've gotta say. My intention wasn't to brag, I'm satisfied with my life as it is now and it took me a long time to get to that point in my mentality. I was just trying to give some strong points I have as an individual in what I can offer in a relationship, that's all it was.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Neat.

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

1
HengroenAndLlamrei•

The problem is your definition of normal is wrong. Take America for example. The average American is overweight. The average American has an average IQ. Less than half of Americans have a degree, an increasing number of Americans are diagnosed with mental disorders like anxiety or depression, and half of all marriages end in divorce. People are becoming increasingly polarized politically.

A normal woman is going to be slightly overweight, won’t have a higher education, of average intellect, and possibly be divorced, a single parent, or have mental health challenges. She’ll likely have at least some strong political opinions.

You are not looking for ordinary. You are looking for extraordinary.

But what do you bring to the table?

All we know about you is that you work a low income gig with bad hours and claim to be a genius and in shape and a handyman. Based on what you’ve written, it sounds like you are a 30+ year old guy who hasn’t made significant career advancements. You sound extremely entitled. Like you deserve this hot, stable, career woman without strong opinions about anything who is willing to date down because you have a high IQ even though you haven’t accomplished much with it. It sounds like you have the ‘temporarily embarrassed millionaire’ mentality of the far right you claim to dislike so much.

9
Velvet_Unicorn2154•

BOOM, ROASTED

3
Delta_DeConstructOP•

I think you just answered your own question from your post to r/askFeminists:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/comments/g6cys6/why_are_dating_subs_so_toxic/

1
Velvet_Unicorn2154•

You big mad, huh shrimp?

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

a pissant like you could never make me mad, sweetie.

0
[deleted]•

[deleted]

3
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Normal =/= average. Normal is a perceptive statement whereas average is a statistical.

I don't sound entitled, I'm doing a lot of the rejecting. I know what I want and I'm sticking to it and I've gotten it before and I'll get it again. I work in what would be considered a middle class position if the middle class was still a thing, I have shitty hours but only work 4 days a week so I have a ton of available time. I don't expect dating down; as I stated dating across and up is a completely legitimate way to date. It would be unreasonable to expect anyone to lower their level of lifestyle to be with someone just because the other person is a good guy. I'm looking for the women that are at my level or below that I can be a good man for.

I don't even know how to respond to the rest of the speculation you've made about me here, I can only address statements that are based on information provided to you through the OP. The rest of it is way off base, and I have really no interest in giving you any more of a stage to state things about me that simply aren't true.

I guess I should thank you for trying to reply, but I really don't even feel like doing that much. Good luck.

-2
HengroenAndLlamrei•

Look, personality and tone can be difficult to interpret in text form. However, your style of writing makes you sound entitled and, to be frank, somewhat insufferable to be around, like you think you’re better than others due to you high IQ. You might not be those things at all, you could be a real swell guy, but that’s how you come off (at last to me) in text. Serious question, do you have Aspergers? High intelligence to some degree is linked to such deviations and it can make people come off as pretty rude since they don’t read social cues very well.

There isn’t an issue with having standards. I don’t think men or women should be told to lower their standards, that just leads to settling and heartbreak. Better to be alone than resent your partner always thinking ‘I could do better.’ But you have to realize, if you have higher standards, less people will meet them.

And while I agree normal =/= average, over time, what is common becomes normalized by society. America’s perception of overweight and obese differs wildly from many countries in Asia and Europe where more people have a healthy BMI.

Best of luck.

6
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Just because everyone is doing something the wrong way does not mean it is acceptable. Our language is complex because it utilizes specificity so that we are able to relay ideas precisely. Just because people use words incorrectly does not mean that the word's meaning changes, it just means that people are using the word the wrong way.

I would have killed myself a long time ago if I was on the spectrum. The idea that people with high IQs have social deficiency is one rooted in the idea that if you're not part of the standard deviation and people have a hard time understanding you, that you are the one with the problem. There's a significant amount of over diagnosis of mental illness in the US when all signs point towards issues with society that result in sickness. Basically most individuals aren't sick, our society is and we're trying to make people fit into a sick society by labeling them as damaged or drugging them into 'normality'. But this whole thing is a different conversation, for a different place, at a different time.

-1
BoredAgain0410•

... this post is not helping. Language changes, including words. If it starts to get accepted that words change, the meaning absolutely changes. It’s not people using stuff the wrong way.

1
Velvet_Unicorn2154•

Wow you’re a real catch bud /s

7
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Velvet_Unicorn2154

u 2:
https://www.reddit.com/user/Velvet_Unicorn2154/comments/

0
[deleted]•

[deleted]

0
MillieCarey•

I know It is in some instances hard but why don’t you try to light a candle instead of cursing the darkness?

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

0
slimmaslam•

Oh great, another r/dating post about how women these days are all bad. Charming.

5
Reifromspace•

It’s cause women these days have thoughts and their ideal woman is their hand

1
[deleted]•

Brain wrinkles don't make up for a shitty personality and unreasonably high standards. Unfortunately in America, wanting to date someone who isn't overweight and doesn't have a kid is becoming increasingly harder to do.

5
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Kids aren't even a disqualifier for me at this point, and I'm not looking to date another model I don't need that drama. I just want someone reasonable, that lives a healthy lifestyle, and has a good head on her shoulders.

-1
[deleted]•

Again, increasingly difficult to find. Most of those girls are already locked into relationships.

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

Oh yeah, I know. It just sucks how few there are available.

0
[deleted]•

Such is life, time to start believing in reincarnation and gg go next

1
[deleted]•

[deleted]

4
Purplecatty•

Well it seems like you attract attractive women and/or you only focus on them even if they have “bad” or toxic traits. You’re not putting your focus in the right places. You attract what you are. And you’ve been in a couple volatile relationships as you said so I wonder what that says about you?

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

I would agree with that to an extent. I've always tried to be in relationships with people I can help and that has bitten me in the ass everytime. Probably because I feel that if I can help someone stabilize their mood and life, maybe there's a chance for me. Maybe I won't wake up wondering how long before suicidal ideation becomes a pervasive topic in my head for the day; maybe being something of value to someone else will make me not feel like I'm waiting to die.

Thanks for being respectful in your response; I appreciate it.

1
DabblingInIt•

Society is different than it was 30 years ago, or even 10 years ago. You have some great qualities. You've listed, and likely focused a lot of your life around the general male expectations of success, accomplishment, ND desirability. There's a lot more to the book, and a while world outside the one you're at the top of.

People want different things and the variety of those is vast. Things you haven't listed and probably at you haven't considered. Humor, spirituality, religion or not religion, life experience, hobbies, scars, confidencr, emotions, compassion, spontaneity, freedom... its infinite.

Some people are entirely anti the life you built and some people would love to check all those boxes and complete their list.

Degrees and stability is a life some people want nothing to do with. I've lived it and was happy to duck out for way less work commitment, no house to be tied to, no fancy excessive possessions to show off, and way way more freedom.

Some people think a BMW is a status symbol, others think it's a repulsive waste of money for an emblem for people with insecurities and something to prove.

If you know who you are, you'll know what to look for, and you'll just have to wait to find it eventually.

But being pissed there are people that you find unattractive or fat on a dating site that are trying to date is a bullshit, shallow, and shitty opinion to have. You don't like them, but they're not doing something wrong. As you're finding out, a lot of people don't like you either and will say you're doing it wrong. Have an open mind and less superiority, the world isn't measured by your standards.

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

I'm not just now finding out that people don't like me lol, I've known it for decades.

1
torrisi13•

Probably because you say things like “I bully people until they slit their wrists” in BMW subs.

2
Delta_DeConstructOP•

At least properly quote me word for word, don't paraphrase. I said I would bully him. And I only said that after he continued to annoy me over several posts. I do genuinely hope he kills himself though.

1
torrisi13•

Lol bro I struggling to see why you’re posting in r/dating about your issues, you seem like a real catch.

1
Delta_DeConstructOP•

That's usually what people like to tell themselves when they have nothing of value to offer and no value to attribute to themselves.

1
KlutzyDouble5455•

What a wow 😳!

1
[deleted]•

It seems like you're blaming everyone else but yourself and you even go as far as to judge women who are overweight and putting yourself on a pedestal saying you're attractive and amazing when you're probably not as amazing as you think you are

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
The_Piperoni•

It’s impossible to date a non fat girl using online dating in 2021. You’re gonna need to just become a sugar daddy. Sorry

0
[deleted]•

Mate. I'm with you. We've gone backwards, I swear.

-3
[deleted]•

The people downvoting are the same people throwing their lives away to party all the time.

-3
Delta_DeConstructOP•

I'm not concerned with worthless internet points. I've been watching the degradation of american society since early college; frankly none of this surprises me. I'm more surprised by my poor judge of character than I am with the state of dating, relationships, marriage, and divorce in this country.

0