My (39M) girlfriend (29F) drinks excessively and it causes bad fights

TL;DR My (39M) girlfriend (29F) becomes confrontational, irrational and mean when drunk and I'm interested in finding ways to cope with the behavior and possibly speak to her about it in a constructive way.

I'm (39M) dealing with my girlfriend (29F) who drinks excessively and becomes confrontational, argumentative and mean.

When she is sober, typically during the day and most weeknights/non-worknights, we get along super well, we're affectionate and we joke and laugh and watch TV and movies and eat good food and things are super good. We have similar interests and sense of humor, we have similar opinions about social issues, politics, art and music, etc.

When she drinks it's almost always too much, to the point of near blackout or altogether blackout. When she's a little drunk she starts to complain if I'm not over the top affectionate or smothering her with attention or if I make a joke she would otherwise laugh at when sober, suddenly it becomes a, "what's that supposed to mean" confrontation. She rarely stops there though, so eventually she will reach the point where she's had enough alcohol and is drunk enough where it devolves to full on confrontation about disagreements we've had in the past that we've already worked through or discussed, or will be confrontational about her perception of how I'm acting in social situations. For example, "you don't look like you're having any fun" or "do you want to leave?" or the random, "you're being rude." Other discontentments might be, "if you want to see other people just let me know" or something to that affect.

When I try to respond calmly to assure her that I didn't mean to come off that way or I was just trying to be funny or I'm having a good time, there's no problem, I feel totally fine, where is this coming from, etc it always ends up with her clearly unconvinced or dissatisfied and the night goes downhill from there. She will continue to bring up whatever the thing is, no matter how calm I am about explaining there's no problem it doesn't work. She escalates to the point where it becomes an argument, she says mean things to me, occasionally she will strike a nerve by bringing up her ex. Our last argument she brought up things I shared with her specifically about myself that I am working to improve or work on or have become self aware of (my father leaving me when I was a young boy and how it has informed the way I deal with emotional stress, etc) and using them to hurt my feelings.

It's always awful, we never resolve it the night of because she's too intoxicated to reason with and she essentially takes the position of gaslighting me and if I don't disengage it will get even uglier which I don't want.

The following day, I try to bring up the fact that these kind of confrontations only ever happen when she drinks too much and her response is almost always to blame me while taking almost no responsibility and not really acknowledging her drinking as the main catalyst.

Edit: I feel like I should provide some transparency around our arguments, if only to explain that I don't want to portray that I am not an active participant in the exchange once the drunk argument begins to escalate. I fully acknowledge it takes two to argue. I always try initially to diffuse the situation to avoid escalation, my next attempt is to try to stonewall or shut it down, however that rarely works. She gets even more confrontational and then begins to be more provocative, saying things that she knows will get a reaction, for example, name calling.

I'm posting here because I'm too embarrassed right now to talk to my friends and/or family about it. I guess I'm just curious to see who else has dealt with, or is currently dealing with this kind of behavior or situation and how they dealt/coped.