Thanks for taking a look! I think you're definitely right that there's some fat to be trimmed here. 

Also, it seems like the age of the MC didn't come through clearly. She's younger than the guy she muses about, maybe she's 11 or so so that's why she mentions that she doesn't yet now what she'll end up liking. But if that's not clear then it definitely needs some work!

Thanks again!

Thank you for posting. Typical caveats of I am just a random person the web. Hell, given the way of the world, I might just be a bot trying to emulate human responses—sometimes it feels that way, right? Point is I am not a professional and this is purely an amateur response, albeit from someone who does read a fair amount.

**Overall** Quick fun read that probably cannot sustain itself for a longer piece of fiction. Biggest gripe is that it really does not have an greater depth or emotional context, but is driven at a surreal response to trick or treating Ocean 11’s style. The point of this seems to be aimed at being fun and although it hit certain notes for me as whole, like a piece of candy, it’s a fun read, but will be quickly forgotten. In and of itself that is not necessarily a bad thing.

**Plot** Surreal team on some mission with lots of ultra-violence and candy. Mission. McGuffin. Hijinx.

**1st Person** The POV here worked for me given the brevity and semi-insane flow, but hon

First pass: 

Shut the fuck up—woah, this may be out of place. Is this setting the right tone for this character?

Safe-cracker—what? Safe Fire cracker, or food?

she is a better person that I am—why? Because she cares about Rico? But you don’t? I didn’t catch that.

“It’s bad,” he said, stuttering. “Isn’t it?” His blood looked almost black in the dim light of the moth-balled hallway, the one I’d discovered months ago when casing the place.”

They’re in an abandoned house with candy?

At first I thought Shadow was a second personality, since he doesn’t have any family, or even pronouns. But then the others spoke to him. Shadow is like Spock?
 
I love the idea of over-the-top serious themes with kids games/topics. But I’m missing the naivety, the stupidity/ignorance of kids. They are kids, right? They’re trick or treating so they’re maybe 10 or something? Oh wait Jackson is older, he’s in high school. The main character isn’t yet into boys so she’s not hit puberty yet. So he’s like 15 a

You are missing key points: What the hell are the characters doing? Somehow you must describe this at the very top.

And who is "my"/"me"/"I" ? Why is it written that way?

You do have to describe characters or else any reader will be left puzzled. There are writing styles that "do it differently", but later on still describe the story.

As such, I do not know what story you want to tell.

Hi folks! I wrote this flash piece around Halloween if that helps it makes sense. If not, nothing will.

Thanks!

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kmswJVSKp7OTskni2viv15bIZVIsuKiJojLanpGtpCs/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kmswJVSKp7OTskni2viv15bIZVIsuKiJojLanpGtpCs/edit?usp=sharing)

Crit: \[1794\] [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/l418sg/1794\_the\_reincarnation\_eaters\_part\_1\_of\_3/gknbmkm/?utm\_source=reddit&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/l418sg/1794_the_reincarnation_eaters_part_1_of_3/gknbmkm/?utm_source=reddit&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[817] Candy