That is a great word. Very interesting, thanks for sharing the definition.

Wow thank you so fucking much dude. I really appreciate this and will respond specifically soon.

Gastlic is a word I picked up from some religious text I can’t remember that was used to evoke touch in a metaphysical/spiritual sense and I thought that was dope so I’ve always remembered it. Not sure if it has a true archaic definition. 

I really cannot thank you enough

Oh good, I'm really glad to be of assistance.

Dude in regards to your edit you didn’t come off any way but helpful!! I really do appreciate your time

I’m on mobile so I’m quoting you with quotations lol:
​

“You’ve used a form of the word “sit” twice. I’d just eliminate the first one and start the whole essay with the word “Hugging”. Eliminate “here”, it’s unnecessary – upon first examination I thought you were saying “here sits Crayton”.”

Tense! My Achilles heel! Thank you! I really struggle with maintaining tense, even in other writing (like field reports for work) so this bit is much appreciated and I agree with the need to be more concise here. 

“According to Word, this whopper is a 122-word sentence. I don’t know if you were going for a rambling run-on, stream-of-consciousness vibe, but I checked out after the first thirty words or so and skimmed it. I wasn’t about to try to pick the narrative from 122 words and four parentheticals.”

I do kind of want to disorient the reader here and yet provide something that can actually be mapped out if one so chooses to follow it, but it does require filling gaps. Eventually you would pu

I meant to include that the “Bombardier...” bit between the dialogue with Arron is supposed to be information like hitting the narrator in the face. Arron said 50, I know it’s 25 because of the client, so I “recalled” their name, location, and the contacts for that client. 25 and 50 are pieces of items that make up a “regrind” and they are thresholds for how many rounds through the shop they do. But no reader knows that yet. Just some info to help anyone else here orient themselves, since the pieces regretfully aren’t there in my OP for you to do it.

And the “episodes” would be expanded on later but for theoretical reasons they aren’t meant to be at the beginning. They are meant to be MOSTLY unambiguous for now to us as this “thing” though still not a clear “thing”

Okay, I tackled it. I'm more of a line editor, but I did try to add thoughts about the overall story as well. Here we go:

&#x200B;

>Sat in a wood that hugs a highway that feeds a city I won’t talk about here sits Crayton, Middle Dakota.

You’ve used a form of the word “sit” twice. I’d just eliminate the first one and start the whole essay with the word “Hugging”. Eliminate “here”, it’s unnecessary – upon first examination I thought you were saying “here sits Crayton”.

&#x200B;

>A razed former paper mill centered in a rectangular lot, bookended by rows of scantly occupied sort-of-houses interjected with streets A, B, C (all three on the south end), Lybrand, and Stave (these two the north end), which is actually a boulevard, and further expanded northward into a settling of businesses around Main Street - also actually a boulevard after the 2003 Spring Festival (unfortunately delayed until August that year) where everyone that usually couldn’t make it planted trees of an ambiguous na

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond!!

I’m very glad you got the impression I was aiming, I think you picked it up spot on. It’s supposed to be a picture you can form if you parse the paragraph but it’s also supposed to be incomplete, ill formed (almost with contempt for the reader, because of who the narrator is, but no way for you to know that), and informed on the part of the narrator. A person who knows it so well they feel trapped (and soon you feel trapped?) is spot on. 

I’m not going for crystal clear at all and appreciate your observations here, very true of such a short piece. I do hope to keep writing and add on but I’ve never done this before so I’m learning! I’ll definitely post more if I have it to maybe get a bigger picture for this but until then you’re spot on. 

Arron is very quick to tell you it’s Arron and that that it’s “Ay-ruhn” not “Air-ren” lol i left that bit out here but it would pay off in a very small useless way for a small useless in-

Hey there! 

Weird shit going on here, mostly in a good way. This feels like there's something worth digging for through the stream-of-consciousness style prose. Very hard to tell, though, whether there will be a payoff since this piece is so short. I would not be able to wade through this for thousands of words without some more anchoring bits. BUT, you the last sentence gives me hope that there will be such anchors of clarity that I can latch onto as I read. I remember reading Ulysses and just letting it wash over me, almost never trying to actually follow it and I got the same vibe here. I get an impression of a place and a life, but if you asked me to pin down what actual map was being drawn I could do it. If you wanted us to have a clear picture of which streets went which way then I'm not sure it's working. If you want us to inhabit a person who knows this town so well that they feel trapped then I think you've got something. 

When I critique my first question is "what is the au

[530] First attempt at writing anything - opening paragraphs of nothing