Can’t stop buying ex shit!

I dated this girl for about year, I’m 33 she’s 25, and about a month ago she decided to end things. I will tell you right now I was very deeply in love with this person. Full disclosure, as if you need me to tell you all this, I have a lot of self-esteem/depression issues. The break up pretty much destroyed me. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts etc... Point of this post is I keep buying things for her. She loves sailor moon, hello kitty, and things of that nature. I spent close to $150 on sailor moon figures, manga, and even flowers sent to her work for Valentine’s Day. I really don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish here knowing that she won’t come back, but I feel compelled to buy her gifts. I guess this is what kids call being a simp. The thing is she has told me to stop so this isn’t a taking advantage of me kind of thing. Nobody in my family knows about this and I feel guilty knowing that I have reached out financially for help to my parents but yet here I am being a piece of shit buying things for someone who probably doesn’t care whether I live or die. Please help 😂