I think my [21F] boyfriend [23M] became spoiled brat because of me. I start to feel like mother with pampered child.

Hello there,

We moved in together 9 months ago, before that my bf   never lived on his own. He lived with his parents and as far as I know his mother always cooked and did all of the housework. On the other hand, I lived independently since I turned 18 and well.. am used to do chores.

So when we just started to live together, I told him if he has any questions regarding cooking, cleaning etc., he always can ask, because I understand how confusing it might be. ( When I moved out from my parents I also didn't know a thing )

The first months went well, we were cooking together often or he cooked as much as I did. I still did most of cleaning chores but I was fine with that, since there isn't much to do and my naive ass thought that sooner or later he will also start cleaning more. I was wrong.

Fast forward some months later I start to feel tired of being only one who sweeps and mops floor so I spoke with boyfriend about it and he does the sweeping and mopping only one time while being very angry that it took so much time and energy from him and complained that my hair is everywhere. Basically he threw a small tantrum. This exact same thing happened again next month when I asked him to clean house more, he cleaned it one time only while being very moody about it.

It became worse when he got vacation leave for 2 weeks. Since it was still lockdown in my country, he spend it home. At the same time I had 2 different job contracts going on and was working my ass off so I didn't have enough time for cooking and chores. But even that didn't motivate my bf to help around the house. He just smoked weed and played video games all day. It was terrible and I'm ashamed I didn't call out his lazy ass.

Right now I'm on vacation leave and he is working. I do enjoy my free time, but I also do 90% of chores. I go to store, buy groceries and pay it from my money only, make both breakfast and dinner, wash all the dirty dishes after. I clean house, do loundry, did I mention that for all 9 months living together, not even once he filled washing machine with dirty clothes ? I feel like a mother with spoiled child who trows tantrums when you ask him to help around house. But most importantly I understood that I'm too soft to ask for change.

Yesterday I made pancakes for breakfast and sink was full of dirty dishes from both yesterday and this morning cooking so I decided I will not do them. " I made breakfast, you do the dishes" I said to boyfriend, which he sarcastically replied " 20 min Pancake making vs 1h dirty dishes washing? Such equality." And it made me incredibly angry, I told him I don't want to speak with him. And guess what? He became angry because I became angry. We didn't discuss this later and moved on.

The point is, in every other aspect my partner is amazing, I love him endlessly. I'm very cuddly-touchy-feely and I require lots of attention which he provides. When we spend time together, it's always filled with laughs and smiles, just good time. Our energies match well and we just vibe to each others presence. He does small things for me, remembers details, he is not a bad guy. But I think because I love to cook and tidy house, he decides to leave it to me. I wish I wouldn't have to ask him for help every time. I wish he would just say " honey, I'm gonna cook today, you can chill"

How can I change his attitude? Should I just plainly devide house duties on some paper or list?

tl;dr I do most of chores around house and when I ask my boyfriend for help - he does it but with shitty attitude. I wish he took initiative to help.