I’m constantly sad and sobbing

hi, i got started showing symptoms for covid on 1/4 and tested positive on 1/6. i’m 19 and i’ve never really had physical health issues previous to covid. just mental health issues. i’m autistic and have adhd. my anxiety and depression were manageable before all of this. i’m crying pretty much every single day because i’m so sad and overwhelmed by all of this. i’m so convinced i’m gonna die from this that there are mornings where i’ll wake up so overwhelmed because i fully thought i wouldn’t make it through the night. i’m worried i’m slowing down my recovery because crying can take a lot out of you and stress does too but i don’t know what else i can do. how do you all get through this? i’ve been in and out of the er and doctor all week because of my new symptoms that started last monday. this week has literally been the longest a week has ever felt. i can’t believe it’s only been 1 week. everything is so awful and the only thing getting me through this is my girlfriend. every new pain or spasm scares me so bad and it makes me so sad to know there’s not much doctors will be able to do for me. i just want to have my old life back.

nsfw // i haven’t even been able to have sex or masturbate since getting sick because of heart rate issues and i need to be cleared by my cardiologist before doing anything.

not nsfw //

it’s awful to think about how just 2 months ago everything was okay. i had other personal issues but they were okay and had an end. there’s no end in sight for this. so many of us are still sick after a year and i don’t know how i can make it through. i go to a really intensive work kid college and i just can’t keep up with my work. i did moderately okay the first few weeks of the semester but the last couple have been impossible. i feel awful constantly telling my teachers i’m behind but i can’t work. i try and then new pain starts and i have to stop. or i try and then i have a breakdown and i become dysfunctional. i fear i will literally never get better and i’ll have to give up my dream job of being a costume designer or i’ll die before it ever happens. i turn 20 on march 3ed and i fear not even making it to my birthday. i miss my family but i would miss my girlfriend even more so i’d rather stay here. every day just feels impossible and i don’t know how to make it through the day. when will it get easier