Source
r/OCPoetry•
Podroig

Forgotten Spaces

Yesterday I woke

and realised

I wasn’t next to you.

That’s the first time

in a while

I noticed the empty space

you left.

Maybe it’s the desperation in me,

but sleep isn’t the same

knowing that I’ll wake

alone. When I close my eyes

without your warmth

and don’t sleep

enthralled and entwined.

Maybe I’m just weak,

but sleep isn’t real to me

if not shared

with the comforting knowledge

that I’ll always wake to you,

whether welcomed by angst or

unbridled love. For when you left,

you stole from me the right to sleep.

Now I only close my eyes and dream

of the possibility that maybe

you still sleep there

next to me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/lxzsel/the_cave/gppwts1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/lxzptw/a_cruelly_pitiful_life_and_man/gppx2p1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted Mar 5, 2021, 12:49 AM UTC · edited

34
gubjo•

This is so touching and moving. You really captured the surreal nature of loss. I particularly love how you managed to write this piece in such a way as to make it relatable to such a vast audience while also capturing that particular emotion so well.

1
exhausted_cactus•

This is good, but get rid of stanza 4 and the line “enthralled and entwines”

1
PodroigOP•

Thanks, could you expand on why you suggest this? And also by stanza 4 do you mean the whole final stanza?

1
ticklemesally•

This was a really enjoyable read. Felt really authentic and can definitely resonate with how it feels on those first few nights sleeping on your own again. Particularly liked the imagery in “enthralled and entwined”. Gives memories of those moments where you just can’t stay away from each other and just admire each other and their beauty. Solid poem my guy/girl, rated highly.

1
Scriblipen•

Found it hauntingly longing and again, an honest voice

1