Source
r/askgaybros•
DavidLobby

Two-part query about butt sex

Advice

Hey, fellow gay bros. I have been in a very happy and fulfilling relationship for over 3 years now, but we've never done anal sex, due to many reasons - some explained below. But lately, I have been wanting to try it. But before talking to my partner, wanted to throw it get some perspectives of you good folks.

Part I

Is it okay to have anal sex when you have hemorrhoids? Not active pain-in-the-butt hemorrhoids, but inactive ones that just are there as dead skin. I have read conflicting information on the internet, so anyone with real-world experience? Any tips on how to make it better, or even deal with the problem permanently at home? I can't get them operated/checked for the foreseeable future, at least.

Part II - This one's more conflicting

My boyfriend isn't into anal sex. In his previous relationship, he had a terrible experience where his ex didn't stop when asked and that left him pretty scarred. Led to a tonne of long-term health issues as well (hemorrhoids + UTI). This was right after we met each other so he was pretty sure he doesn't want anything to do with it ever again.

But I have vocalized my intentions that I'd probably be into it in the future. He seems to always say something to the tune of that we'll cross the bridge when we reach it, so I guess he is not totally averse to the idea.

Now, the thing is I imagine both of us being versatile, if and when, we start doing it. But I don't want to be the guy who forced him to do something he doesn't like/against his will. So even if he somehow is onboard to be the top, I am not sure if I should even openly suggest him bottoming, especially if he doesn't like it. I don't want to force him into doing it, but also want to experience this with him. Any suggestions on how to proceed? Guys who have been in similar situations, what has helped to have this conversation and how did things turn out?

Posted Mar 11, 2021, 1:11 PM UTC

14
LGucM•

Mainly to Part I (below) - for Part II, my only advice would be: try to approximate slowly to it! It is not at all necessary to go all the way, why not trying to play around the butt with your dick, to insert just a part of the tip, and of course to try some fingering (not necessarily deep, you can also just take care of the outside part), some licking... just integrate some gentle play into your sex "routines", but take your time, better see it as a long time project. In my perception, playing around like this would probably convince me wanting more of that...

Part II, what you refer to "inactive" hemorrhoids may be internal ones. They should be looked after by a proctologist! Usually, they get worse over time. Anal intercourse will not really have a long term effect on them, it just could happen that there is some sore skin afterwards, and the tissue there tends to bleed quite easily, which is usually not a big deal. So... if it is not a day with a bad condition down there, no worries, if you are using enough lube.

1
DavidLobbyOP•

Thanks so much! Both these suggestions are really helpful.

1
moonshine_madness•

Something I found out on my last (and only) visit to the proc doc, is that hemorrhoids are always there, three of them (he referred to them as the 3 o’clock, 7 o’clock one etc, if you go around the tube that is your rectum, they will be found at different “hours” of the clock, if that makes sense). But hemorrhoids can get enlarged/inflamed, that’s when you take things slow/see a doctor.

“Having hemorrhoids” is a condition everyone has.

1
DavidLobbyOP•

Aha. I did not know that.

For me, I didn't notice anything until a couple of years ago when it became painful. Went away in a couple of days, but left a lot of not-very-good-looking loose skin and tissue. Totally harmless and "sense"-less now

Thanks for this!

1