Source
r/TwoXChromosomes•
spatial_K

ranting about wanting a career and/or a family

i'm a driven PhD student with the potential to become a successful scientist.. but i also know i can become a great mom and homemaker.. nowadays we're privileged to have both options.. it doesn't have to be one or the other anymore! but sometimes i feel guilty that i DO want one or the other.. at least i know that i'll be happy one way or the other or both ways.. the process is just agonizing and i feel like i'm too young to feel so conflicted over this [i'm 25.. am i too young?].. i'm not even close to having either a solid career or a family.. i envy those who can juggle both of these.. and i strongly admire those who've successfully chosen one or the other..

anyway, i just want to thank all the women [and men] who've helped make both dreams possible.. i especially thank my mom and dad.. and i hope someday i can be happy with the choices i make.. ^_^ /end rant

Posted Nov 8, 2011, 8:38 PM UTC

88
onemoreonlinevoice•

At 25 you still have plenty of time to do the motherhood thing :)

As it happens I am extremely jealous of you getting to PhD level (and beyond I am sure!), and part of me really wishes I had got to do all that before having kids.

It's great that we have all these options and choices as women!

3
spatial_KOP•

thanks!

yeah i wouldn't recommend going to grad school at this point [it's pretty depressing].. but a lot of reddit stories make me believe that a lot of older people can get back to school and have a successful career "later on in life".. still goes along the lines of we have all these options! ^_^

1
[deleted]•

I get freaked out because I am a professional and I am not married and my mom had 3 kids by about my age. Yikes...

I want both...I think (could I be a stay at home mom and be happy? I don't know). I spent 7 years in school to get this career, but I also want a family. I don't know what is in the cards for me, but I am damn happy I got my education. If I get to be a mom, I hope to be a good one.

3
spatial_KOP•

ah, i wish i could have your optimism all the time.. WE CAN DO IT, YAYUH! lol

2
lavender_•

Well, if you MUST choose one or the other, why not have one first then the other?

So, have your career for a while and then have children.

You can have children later in life. We are living longer these days.

3
spatial_KOP•

that's exactly what i'm thinking.. as it turns out, there's no "perfect" time to have kids during grad school but grad school definitely is one of those things that is better done sooner than later.. thanks for the advice! ^_^

2
MrsReznor•

You still have, generally speaking, 10 years of low risk pregnancy. After that, risk of complications increases as does the possible need for assisted reproduction. Assuming you are not working with hazardous chemicals, having kids during grad school is actually quite good timing sometimes. In your last year you'll be mainly writing and analyzing data which are both things you could do from home with a child.

Now, of course, you need to have a second person involved to make a baby so if that isn't the case for you right now, don't even worry about it. When you find yourself wanting to get married to someone and have kids with them, then you can worry about having a family.

Right now, focus on school, focus on research but don't get bogged down. Go out with friends, go out on dates. Kids will happen when they happen and you don't need to worry about all that right now.

1
[deleted]•

Just do whatever feels right for you. Don't let the lives of other people be something that makes you envious if you can help it. You're still a PhD student now, so just focus on that for now. After you get your PhD, evaluate where you are in life, what your options are, and what would be best for you.

1