My trust is a raging fire,
It burns with glorious passion,
It's roars reminiscent of a choir,
I love in irregular fashion,
But step on it, and you shall be burnt,
That fire, now frozen ice,
I extinguish the trust you had earned,
And cut you out of my life.
Those flames once impassioned love,
Begin to die out in a rage,
Your keys to my heart I dispose of,
I lock my heart in a cage.
Posted Mar 16, 2021, 12:47 PM UTC
I really enjoyed this. I like the hot and cold portrayal relating to what I see as a passionate relationship leading to some form of betrayal or heartbreak by the end. I can feel the warmth at the start, the coldness in the middle and the anger tinged with sadness by the end. All too often people close themselves off to others when they've been hurt and its usually the most caring, loving and trustworthy that do. I can see that type of person in these words.
This compliment is going to keep me going for the next 56 years😭 Thank you for your feedback, and your kind words, I wholeheartedly mean this, I am so grateful. And your interpretation is literally as close as you can get to my original authorial intent
I love that you used fire as an example of your love and what happens when someone makes the wrong mistake. I relate to this and yet I don't, so I might only be getting half of the raw emotion clearly in this Poem. "Those flames that once impassioned love, Begin to die out in a rage, Your keys to my heart I dispose of, I lock my heart in a cage." I think that line means 'the love I once held for you is quickly fading, You did something I can't forgive you for.' Then you start to build walls so you won't get hurt again. Clever, Beautiful, and yet it is Sad. Amazing job.
That was beautiful to read🤝 Honestly appreciate you sharing that, and yeah you got really close to original authorial intent, really really glad you enjoyed it
Nice rhyme scheme! Also the metaphor to paint a clear picture. I find it hard for myself to write that way so to see someone else be able too write metaphors that really capture the essence of poem is amazing to me.
I appreciate the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it, you're too kind honestly,
I absolutely adore this poem. I found it beautiful that you symbolize someone that broke your trust to extinguishing a fire. One of the lines I love specifically was when you mentioned that the raging fire of trust roars reminiscent of a choir because choirs are made to produce beautiful sounds and music and your trust isn’t something scary and threatening (even though fire is usually depicted that way), but fervent and ravishing. I think using a choir is the perfect metaphor in this case. If I were to give one critic, it would be the title of the poem. The poem is so uniquely written and well though out, I would like to see a title that adds onto the complexity. Thank you so much for the delightful read.
Looking at the title now I completely agree, it doesn't match the metaphorical style i was going for, good feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it
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Hey! I really relate to this as someone who also loves too much and trusts too easily. I love the line " I love in irregular fashion" and also the line about extinguishing the trust they had earned and cutting them out of your life. It feels to me like you're describing a love that only a few are worthy of, because it is so pure and intense, and those who cannot fully appreciate it must be cast out. love it.
Really enjoyed reading what you had to say, I’m glad you enjoyed it🤝🤝