Source
r/ADHD•
Goewyn

I have concluded that it is better to be alone than continually hurt the people I care about.

I deactivated my Facebook a couple weeks ago. I deleted most of my pictures off of Insta. Today is my birthday. I know I will not receive any messages. The only people who know my b-day without FB reminders are no longer really my friends. I hurt them too much. I didn't call back. I left messages on "seen." I wouldn't send Christmas cards or timely birthday messages. Too many broken promises. Too many times where I chose to stay home or cancelled plans. I was too weird too often.

Some cut all ties and told me how I hurt them. Others just drifted off and I let them. Every time, it is the same story. I am friendly and energetic. They think I am weird but interesting. I am engaging, so they feel a connection. Then, I screw up once too often, and they are hurt, and so they leave.
I am just done with hurting people. I am done being a disappointment. I want friends, but I can't be a good friend.
I don't know. Just sad today. This is a long-time coming. It has built up too much. I am tired. I am a naturally friendly person and I have to constantly tell myself to be polite but chill out. Just venting and hoping to commiserate.

Posted Mar 22, 2021, 3:57 AM UTC

34
Writeb8•

Happy Birthday! I’m so sorry you’re sad. At least you can’t hurt us, here, because we understand — and most of us have done the same. If it’s any consolation, I have friends who I have reengaged with and explained about adhd to. Some have understood. Maybe some of your friends would, as well?

2
GoewynOP•

Thanks. It's all good. Things will be brighter tomorrow, and then it will all repeat itself. :) it's all good though. This forum has been a good thing.

2
Writeb8•

Some days are just shitty too

1
jujujesci•

(I'm not sure if your issue is based on communication but thats how I perceived it while I wrote this, I only realized afterwards that your post may not be referring to that)

I feel this on so many levels it isn't even funny. I have lost a few friends over the years because of it and it's hard reaching out to even the people I care about. However, I found that many of my closest friends now understand that I just dont respond most times. But they know that it isn't because of them (because I constantly would post to apologize about not responding, so atp they know that it's just an issue w me). Once I realized this was a symptom of my adhd, explaining that "responding to friends" was another thing on my list of priorities that I rarely can get through really helped them understand that it wasn't something I had control over. It still frustrates me to this day but my friends remind me that, the people who care about me will understand and not take my absence personally, because when I can be there, I am a good friend. It just isn't guaranteed that I will be there when they need me, but that is something now I tell new friends straight up. I hate it about me because I can't be the friend that I want to be for them, but it is something we have no control over; and beating ourselves up over it changes nothing except for how we feel about our self worth.

not really advice, just something to think about.

1