Failure
For once in my life, I don't know how I feel,
This state I exist in is fairly surreal,
I sit down to write, to no avail,
Yet again, at poetic expression I fail.
Though failure is no stranger,
Me and her are well acquainted,
In most things I've cared about,
It is she who left them tainted,
I never seem to get it right,
My perfectionism is crippling,
But failure takes light in my plight,
As my grip on my self is slipping.
For once in my life, I don't know how I feel,
In me lie holes I cannot fill,
The scars of my past, I'm yet to reveal,
Yet failure follows me still.
Posted Mar 24, 2021, 11:54 PM UTC
3026
I always enjoy the personification of concepts like failure and the like. It's easy to apply adjectives to people, and make us feel things about them, whether that be anger or fear or love or respect. And this I think helps us better understand how you feel about things, which is the point of poetry!
Some criticism: I think I can see what you're going for when it comes to those repeated rhymes at the end of your lines, but personally I find them somewhat hokey, if that makes sense? Don't get me wrong, I think your execution is well done. The way you used the same rhymes (I feel like there's a better word but idk) in different rhyme schemes in the first and last stanza is cool, and I find that it implies something almost circular about your relationship to failure, something I can absolutely relate to. But for me, I think you used that ABAB pattern too often, and it tired me out a little while I was reading.
Some ways to improve (imo): Use more personification! You mentioned your perfectionism, make that into a person too! It sticks with the theme set by personifying failure, and I like I said, I enjoy that a lot! I also think making the poem longer to add more of the character's Failure and Perfectionism would be a good idea too! (Also, capitalize personified concepts, makes it easier for the reader to tell you're doing something)
Also, try to vary you rhyme schemes a little more. Instead of sticking with ABAB and AABB, try internal rhymes or more weird stuff, it keeps people engaged, and it's more fun to write!
Hope to see more of your work!
For sure, it’s as I said to others, I’ve been too worried about being a “real poet” and for some reason that meant I Neeeeded some form I structure, but I’ll heed your advice next time and try to experiment a little more!