Drawn to someone else.
Posted Nov 19, 2011, 2:44 PM UTC
210
I think everyone feels this way at some point. You have a crush on someone while you're dating your SO, but if you indulge on it and further that little crush , beyond what comes natural, you're crossing a major line I would think. It's also sometimes a very slippery slope to start thinking about the crush, because it could lead to disillusionment of your current SO. Just be aware of what's going on, and if you find yourself losing interest in your guy, do not assume that it's because some new guy is better..chances are he is not.
3
Do you want to continue being in a relationship with your boyfriend, or not?
The answer to that question is all that matters. If the answer's yes, you know you have to put more distance between you and the new guy (you should really just stop seeing him altogether). If the answer's no, then break it off with the boyfriend before pursuing the new relationship.
3
(we'll call him P), (we'll call him M)
From now on we'll call them Peter and Matt, because the time it took to type this sentence is the amount of time it takes to keep your post from reading like an algebra equation. Why do people do this? It's not a mystery novel, no one is tracking you down- names make writing flow significantly better.
Anywho, if you care about your boyfriend you'll break contact with Matt and keep him out of your life. You can make excuses at this point "oh it's just a crush, oh we'll just be friends, oh whatever" but don't BS yourself, you're in a long distance relationship and hanging around a guy you know you're immensely attracted to is a road to being in a short distance relationship.
Save yourself some trouble and either get rid of new guy Matt or tell your boyfriend Peter that you're hanging out with a guy who makes you swoon and see his take on it. Relationships are about honesty, right?
Seriously though- you can't have cake and eat it too you're playing with fire here.
tl;dr: People who actually care about their relationships do everything they can to protect it, especially purging secondary relationships that have a higher level of intimacy than is proper for a committed person. You're falling head over heels for this new guy, i'd say that's an inappropriate level. Ball is in your court to decide which is more important, the butterflies in your stomach or the relationship you've painstakingly crafted over two and a half years.
3
This is the right answer, I think, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for nearly 7 years through lots of ups and downs and crushes and whatnot. I used to indulge the crushes, coming dangerously close to doing stuff I should not do, and justifying it in all kinds of ways, but after a while I just learned that the only way to get over the other guy is to stop being around him until he no longer seems all that great. After you get over him by not being around him, you might be able to be friends with him. In my experiences, I always came to realize that the guys I was crushing on were nowhere near as good as my boyfriend anyway.
2
It is ok to have these feelings. Just don't do anything that compromises your morals or breaks your trust with your bf.
2
You have two options: Say 'no' to this festival offer, or tell a close friend you can trust who will do a fantastic job of distracting you and making sure you don't spend time with this guy.
I have been attracted to other people since I've been with P, but that is normal and easily dealt with.
Let me guess, because when you're attracted to someone else, you generally think "Oh, well, I'll stay away from them, no problem." And with M you've been spending two weeks constantly hanging out, playing games, and talking. Don't put yourself in that position. If you ever, ever feel emotions like that creeping in, do what you would expect your boyfriend to do: come up with excuses to NOT spend every possible moment with the other person. Oh, and if you are around him, don't spend your time talking to him. Interact with your other roommates and not with M.
No one ever falls for someone out of the blue (unless it's in high school and that person has some sort of stalker love for a classmate). There are hours of laughter, conversation, sharing, etc. before it gets to that point. So stop getting closer to this guy (treat him like you would someone you didn't like, polite but distant) and you won't fall for him.
1
you won't fall for him
I think she already has. There is already that emotional connection that OP already feels.
OP - It sucks to make a clear decision but you are going to have to make one, and then stick to it.
If you really want to stay with your current boyfriend, I think instead of going to the festival that you got invited to, see if you can make a visit to your boyfriend instead.
I think at this point it will be difficult to avoid M just because you are already attracted to him.
1
To some degree I think you're right, but there comes a point where she is responsible for her own actions. She suggests that this guy might come to visit often. She should say no to the festival, but she should also learn how to avoid temptation when it's a little closer to home. She has fallen for him, but it could get much worse if she doesn't start to control herself. All I was saying was, don't act buddy-buddy when he's around, keep a distance and spend time with other people.
1
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1
I'll give you some advice. I don't mean this harshly but don't leave your bf for another guy.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying what you are doing is cheating but it is an unhealthy mindset that could lead to cheating in the future. The grass always seems greener.
If you really have issues with your bf then it's ok to break up but if your issues are just that another guy seems "better" than I say you should reevaluate your current mindset. Good luck.