Waking up to an empty bank account Monday morning...
It used to give me massive anxiety. Rolling over in bed with the shakes from the night before, looking at my checking account, and that terrible feeling of knowing that I'd blown all my paycheck on coke and booze over the weekend. Trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do to stave off the withdrawals with only $20 to last me the week. Looking around my room and seeing that I had nothing left to sell at the pawn shop. Coming up with a scheme to rip someone off to get a few bucks to pour down my neck. Frantically tearing everything apart to find a few quarters to go buy a can of shitty malt just to not feel the horrible dread anymore.
I don't miss that feeling.
I'm coming up on two years sober in a month or so. Don't have much in my bank account now either, but it's enough. Today my bank account is low because I paid all my bills on time and in full this weekend. I worked 70 hours last week, so I know I'll be alright. My life isn't perfect, but at least I can look myself in the mirror again.
If you're waking up this morning with that familiar dread, just know that there's a better way if you want it. You're not alone. Don't give up on yourself.
Posted Apr 5, 2021, 12:57 PM UTC · edited
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