I've always known it'd come to this...

My first suicide attempt was at the age of 3 or 4.

I've always had a fucked up perception of myself... Unexplainable issues with self hatred and self abuse. Don't take care of myself at all. I don't socialize or talk to anybody really, but even when I try to, I can't connect with other people like a normal human being. Most of my days are spent entirely in bed, except to get up and go smoke cigarettes.

Any time I take one step forward, I get shoved two back. I realize life is a struggle, but it's pretty annoying to have nothing wrong for months and the moment I try to get up and make my life change, shit hits the fan.

I'm not even sure why I'm rambling like this. I'm not here looking for sympathy. I think I mostly just want somebody to say goodbye to...

Despite my overwhelming hatred for myself and most of what I perceive to be the reality around me, I honestly never wanted much more than to make the world a better place. I knew I'd never be happy like other people, but I was down to suffer for the rest of my life if I could atleast do something, ANYTHING right and help contribute something positive.

I realize now I'm a complete failure. I can't do anything for anyone.

And with that declaration, I'll leave you all be.

To everyone who hurts and suffers from issues like depression, social anxiety and suicide, you're not alone... I applaud you all for coming here and being brave and open with yourselves.

And to everyone who is here on SW trying to help out and give supportive words, I sincerely thank you for being such kind and wonderful spirits.

Farewell.