I can feel it growing and I don't know how much longer I can be it's host

I sent my entire childhood getting the shit kicked out of me by my mother while my sister was flown to different parts of the world. I spent my teenager years getting the shit kicked out of me by my dad because he said I reminded him of my mom. I feel drained. Like all these memories are surfacing right when I begin to become happy. The exact moment I feel like things may be going my way it all rushes back into my head. I've spent the last 3 weeks thinking seriously about suicide. More seriously then normal. All my dreams involve me dying. It feels like freedom. I don't know where to go or who to talk to. I don't want to tell my boyfriend cause I don't want him to leave me. My family denies any wrong doing and tell me to get over it. Where do I go?