Be happy you're the 99%!

Man: Coming soon to the Los Santos Convention Center- it’s Mike Andrews!

Mike: Understand that it’s okay to be poor! There need to be poor people! We rich are the yin. You are the yang! We need you!

Man: He’s changed millions of lives with his book, ‘Rags are Riches.’ Now hear Mike Andrews live!

Man 2: Mr. Andrews? I, I’ve been having a run of bad luck, and I was wondering if the state could help me get back on my feet.

Mike: This is the kind of negative, obsessed, and greedy talk that doesn’t help anyone. My program will teach you a new outlook on life. Instead of complaining about being poor, enjoy it! Watch TV! Don’t vote! Who cares?

Man 2: But I’m homeless!

Mike: You’ve got it all wrong! Society doesn’t owe you anything! The government has better things to worry about. Like killing innocent people! You already have everything you need, so enjoy your life!

Man: See Mike Andrews live for only two hundred dollars, payable in ten installments! Reserve your seat today!