I feel like all my life I've been screaming for help and nobody notices.

I'm a cutter. I'm a drinker. I work hard to blend in, and maybe I do too good a job of that.

But the truth is, if I had a way out that could look like an accident, I'd take it. I wish I could just do it but I feel like I'd be letting everyone down.

I know there are people who have it worse than me, shit - that makes me feel even shittier about how awful I feel. Like it's not justified. But I can't help it. I can't help feeling like I've had more than my share of fucked up. Raped as a child, raped as a pre-teen, forced to go to school with my rapist, lived in an emotionally abusive household, raped again in my early twenties. Jesus, people love to rape me, don't they.

I'm drunk and I just want my brain to feel as numb as my face does. Help.