Tell me your most embarrassing sexual failure, so I don't feel so bad about mine.

Imagine if you can, the cutest little button-nosed, befreckled, green-eyed beauty you have ever seen. Kind, sweet and shy. Nineteen years old.

Now picture me, a short curly-haired geek with no social graces whatsoever - people scared me, pure and simple.

I loved that girl from afar for the best years of my life, but never had the guts to do anything about it. Now flash forward six years since we'd last met, and an old friend is having a get-together to celebrate his engagement. Fun was had, alcohol was imbibed, pot was consumed in various ways, and the evening was heading towards the usual wasted stagger home, when she appeared, like the proverbial whirlwind into my life.

Emboldened by the evening's consumption, and full of sexual bravado, I decide to make my play. How could she resist me?

To my utter shock and amazement, she didn't even try to, and we spent the next hour or so drinking, talking, laughing, smoking, touching (she touched me!) and generally getting hot and bothered.

Eventually, we quietly retire to an empty room with a bottle of vodka, and things begin to get steamy, until, after all these years, like a true reddit god, I pass out in a drunken stupor.

Things can only get better from here, right?

Right?

I woke up some time later, and went through the usual checks: head thumping? yep; eyelids crusty? yep; yeti snoring nearby? yep; groin strangely numb? yep - wait a minute...

I eventually opened one crusty eye to the sight of the girl of my dreams, face down in my lap, with my flaccid cock in her mouth, snoring like a Norse God, her puke crusted around my genitals and her face.

TL;DR I passed out, then girl of my dreams tried to give me sleeping blowjob, puked, then also passed out.