Throw away. My life is based around my mental illness and drinking.

Sorry for the throw away account. I've been trying to stop drinking for around 6 years; I am now 29. I have schizophrenia. I am on a number of medications, whatever, I shouldn't drink in the first place but I do.

I don't smoke cigarettes. I am on SSI and medicaid and live with my mother.

I have an older brother and younger sister who are both headed down the road I traveled when my illness first started. and they are a little of a bad influence on me. I can't seem to stop drinking.

It helps me deal with the shit that goes along with being crazy. I can take a break, play a few video games and just kind of block every thing else out.

I don't know what else to type, I just got on medicaid and the people are trying to find me a psychiatrist. I have all my medicines and such but the drinking has led me to almost failing highschool and dropping out of university. maybe the mental illness has something to do wtih that as well. I have posted in r/alcoholism before under other throw aways but I won't delete this one. I really don't know what to do. I have about 4,000 dollars in credit card debt

sorry if this is just a mess of thoughts, its just what came to mind.