i KNOW i am a bad person.

My life is just shit.

I am shit.

If you knew all the things I've done, you'd agree. You'd come off all "aww, don't say that..."

but as I delved deeper and explained certain life experiences...Your face would crinkle up and you'd sit there trying to figure out a polite way to leave.

the problems go deeper than depression.

I'm sincerely a bad person with shitty behavior which is why I'm depressed.

There is no cure for my past mistakes. No way to erase the memories. No way to absolve myself or get forgiven by the people who know me.

Because eventually, everyone who knows me becomes disgusted with me. Or angry.

I feel like many people would be relieved if I died. That's not a suicidal threat or anything. By god, if I was brave enough, I would have done it by now.

Antidepressants won't take away my stupidity.

I simply don't know how to behave. The common denominator is always me. So, now I isolate myself as much as possible because I always inevitably fuck shit up for someone else.

I want to be a good person. I do. I want to be normal.

But I'm far crazier and misguided than socially acceptable.

I feel like I'm always going to be alone. My mistakes haunt me constantly. Not little mistakes. BIG, HUGE MISTAKES.

I'm just one of those dumb fucking people that never learn.

My family doesn't accept me, even though they're the ones who fucked me up initially. But, somehow it's always my fault.

When you've been abused for as long as you can remember, and life just keeps getting worse....it just makes you think you're only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. To be the person everyone looks at and goes "at least I'm not her."

How can my life REALLY BE THIS BAD?

it just snowballs. rich get richer, poor get poorer.

Where is cancer when you need it?