I can't explain how I feel and I'm afraid.

I'm interested in this girl, but she's extremely busy and can't find the time to contact me. She works retail, and she's busy with the holiday rush, or so I think.

I'm scared that she just doesn't want to talk to me.

The possibility crosses my mind and I'm terrified, and then I'm devastated. I feel like a fucking idiot for opening up. I feel like I should withdraw into my safe zones again.

I don't want to annoy her. I don't want to be a bothering, low-life nerd. I don't know what I want.

When I see her, I can a better future for myself. I can see myself driving, I can see myself happy and out of this depressed pit my life has created.

It's supposed to be easier than this. I'm a writer, I'm supposed to be good with words, I just.. I can't say anything when I'm around her. Fucking elevator conversation and jokes. That's all.

At least I took a chance and talked to her.

It looks like I'm gonna fall deeper into the pit.