Source
r/ADHD•
imanutshell

How do you deal with getting accused of thinking too much about stuff when you're really just faster in conversation than neurotypicals?

Questions/Advice/Support

Like, i'll be talking about something (50/50 on whether it's normal or something weird for the sake of making a joke) and then somebody will accuse me of essentially being some kind of obsessive freak in my off time. Stuff like, "You've put way too much thought into this." or "You've thought about this a lot haven't you?" when really i'm just thinking about it for the first time and free associating using whatever I know that is relevant as it foams on the top of the churning quagmire of mostly useless information I call a brain. I just make oddly detailed links very quickly all the time.

Point is, I really hate when people do this because the only explanation is to basically say something that always comes across as "No, i'm just naturally smarter than you" when what i'm normally saying (or trying to before the affronted interruption that tends to happen when IRL) is that i'm only a little bit clever but that my brain is wired to do exactly the sort of hyperspeed connection making that makes it look like i've spent time obsessing over this because it just does that. It's like the only thing that makes up for all the many things I can't do/haven't done.

Anyway, point being, does anybody else ever get this? How do you usually react when it happens? Any tips for processing the anger? Got any tried and tested stock responses for when I need a polite way of telling somebody to get off my case for being quicker witted than them?

Posted May 12, 2021, 2:04 PM UTC

5118
jankityjankjank•

Wrap in an idea they threw out, or ask them about It. They’re usually jokingly pulling you down because they feel in adequate. My favorite though it to find a point/piece/questions you don’t know and start to look it up, it’ll satisfy your curiosity and tie the bow on it so to speak while giving them the space to talk or change the subject if they want

13
HandsomeDerp•

Churning quagmire of mostly useless information I call a brain.

Yeah I'm stealing that phrase

Also, try telling them it's just a natural thing

12
ugh_whatevs_fine•

I don’t pay them any mind. They’re usually saying this for one of two reasons. One of them is a problem, but it’s not my problem. The other one is not a problem at all.

(1) They’re saying it because they would like me to feel embarrassed/self-conscious about how much I think, and which things I think a lot about. It’s a call to conformity, and you don’t have to heed it.

(2) Less harmful - sometimes people say it because they just don’t know how else to respond because they are legitimately a bit stunned. They may have barely thought about this subject at all, and unconsciously assumed that nobody else would think about it much either. My response to this is (in a casual, friendly tone) “Yeah, that’s my whole deal, kinda. I just like thinking about stuff like this.” And then sort of feeling out whether they’d like to continue discussing it or if they seem to want a new subject.

9
xanthraxoidADHD-C•

Oh my goodness. To be fair it hasn't happened in a little while, but this is such a familiar scenario, although anger isn't really my normal reaction.

Dealing with my anger is something I've been struggling with for pretty much my entire life (42 years and counting...) and I am making some progress, but it is frustrating how easily I can feel like I've made no progress because some numpty has found whatever button I still have and stomped on it blissfully unaware...

I've had some joy with a CBT type approach, spending time introspecting about what my triggers are, how I can avoid running headlong into them, and how I would rather react. The theory is that you can mentally "practice" linking the triggers to your desired reaction. Unfortunately, not only are emotional responses instinctive and therefore a lot faster than conscious ones (so they get there first and shut down your deliberate thought processes because you're already angry) but ADHD happens to make this harder than it would otherwise be :-(

I would really love to be able to react to frustrations with a zen-like clarity and peace. In 40 years, I feel like I've made perhaps 5-10 years' worth of progress :-/

5
JRadiantHeart•

Basically, they don’t enjoy your style of what I call “recreational thinking”.

4
darfka•

Use humor, as a way to respond but also as a way to communicate your ideas.

4
imanutshellOP•

I know, I’m a comedian. Like, it’s one of my sources of income and everything. But this happens in arguments as much as anywhere else (normally minor more than major ones which is kind of the problem). Typically you can’t joke your way out of somebody thinking you’re a crazy person who cares way too much whilst still in the middle of a disagreement without totally discrediting yourself.

Thanks anyway though for giving what in most circumstances for others with similar issues is really good advice. Hopefully someone who doesn’t know it yet will see it and try it!

3
[deleted]•

I mean, didn't you already sort of make a joke about this in your post? If you made a self-deprecating joke about "the churning quagmire of mostly useless information I call a brain," then that could possibly diffuse the situation with humor. You could also make jokes that demonstrate that you don't actually care all that much about the topic either. For example, you could say something like, "Wait ... what where we talking about again?" or "I'm bored with arguing about this. Let's argue about something more polarizing! Which do you prefer: religion or politics?". I suppose that this might seem like you are discrediting yourself in these instances, but do you really care about "winning" an argument (which usually never changes the other person's mind anyway)?

1
Th3-Dude-Abides•

My friends know this about me, but I’ll still say something if I catch myself doing it or talking over others. “Stupid Sherlock Holmes brain always deducing everything.”

3
Sandcat789•

This happened to me more in high school, I tended to just laugh it off, nowadays my wife just asks, how did you get from A to B? To which I respond, 'are you just surprised, or would you like me to explain?' and sometimes she genuinely wants to know how things fit together in my mind.

3
awooj•

I got asked by a friend to do this once in uni (10+ years ago). I remember it vividly, a few of us were in my dorm room and someone asked something and I responded (no idea what) and moved on with the topic and then my friend just goes WAIT! How did you even think of that/tie it together? And I was like um do you actually want to know? And everyone was like yeah you do this all the time.

So I explained how in 1 second I got from point A to point B. Took me over a minute to describe. And they were all just like WUT. BUT HOW DID YOU THINK ALL THAT IN LITERALLY ONE SECOND?! And I just shrugged and said that’s just how my brain works and from then on they’d just laugh but knew better than to ask.

The weirdest part is when meeting new people, when I’d get asked that, I’d say “oh I’ve always been this way” and I’d tell them that story. Kinda loved that story bc I thought I was just unique hahaha now I know that nope, just have ADHD.

EDIT: so many typos.

7
JRadiantHeart•

I’m weird and quirky and highly verbal. I like others who appreciate that. These people are trying to say that you’re “too much.”—just be more bland and conformist, please! I don’t care for people who don’t enjoy my sparkle.

3
Charper1997•

I love you for that comment

1
[deleted]•

I get this but it doesn't really irritate me. I treat it more like a mini dumb superpower-- the ability to seem super thoughtful and informed about basically anything. I sometimes just say something about how I'm like this with everything, not just whatever the topic of conversation is, so people don't think it's a major interest of mine.

2
Goewyn•

"You've put way too much thought into this" and "You've thought a lot about this" are, most of the time, not said genuinely. They are phrases tinged with humor and most often used in small talk when someone has detailed/gone on and on about something and you have no idea how to respond (Or sometimes, do not care about the topic). I used to take it as a compliment, now I know it is a social cue to move on to another topic or ask them a question.

1
Styggejoe•

Just comment on the dumb statement sarcastically "that's my bad, what's the allowed time again?"

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[deleted]•

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[deleted]•

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