There are some odd constructions that hints you don't have control over language: "shuffled about", "wake state", "stuff of life", "avant-garde twists and turns" (this, by far, the worst offender). I'm guessing English is a language that you're not very comfortable in, perhaps your second language.

The prose sounds very rudimentary and when you do get descriptive, it doesn't work very well.  

"running like she never did in wake state: lightly and graciously, across the tarmac where raindrops splattered, large and heavy."

The repetition of the same style of description ('x and y'), added to what you choose to describe (nature of her run and raindrops? two very random objects when there are other things that could be described to build the atmosphere)

She wouldn't be naming these random and very basic chemicals for a seminar at university. 

The sentences overall are of very similar length: extremely short. Makes the piece a bit monotonous. 

You've used "childlike" twice to describe

Plot:
As a first chapter, I think you achieved the goal of introducing the main character and story in a way that made me want to know more. 

Pacing:
I found the pacing to be appropriate for the length of the story. I was engaged the entire time.

The last paragraph was a bit too abrupt for my taste. How did she know that she split I. Two? It's an odd conclusion to make that quickly, in my opinion. I would keep the mystery about it instead of saying that she knew for certain that's what happened.

The only part I think dragged out a bit was when she was describing her thin body parts. Maybe take out one or two--we get the point. Also, why were her legs muscle toned when everything else seemed like she just lost weight? Unless that's a plot point, I would get rid of that one.

Style:
Some of the sentences are a bit clunky and can be cleaned up a bit. For instance, in the first paragraph, you say

" After brushing her teeth she cleared the table, turned the lights off and headed for the

**First Read**

Not exactly sure where we are headed. Not captivated perhaps but also  not bored that I would immediately put this down. Without seeing the full story its hard to say if this opening is going to be useful for the longer piece so I'll say that a lot in the critique. Let's keep going and see what we can do.

**Prose**

Fine. There were a few lines I thought really rolled off the tongue. But I am wondering if each detail you've chosen has an actual point. That is, when we first write something its kind fo word vomit, we're like trying to get all our ideas on to paper while we are inspired. The next step is to trim the fat, and make sure there aren't any details which waste words or don't serve a purpose. I'm sorry here that you've included details which have no point. 

For example, we the first full paragraph. It describes Cecilia getting into bed. And perhaps...a drinking problem? It doesn't tell us too much about her and while it does have one of my favorite lines in th

I think it would be better if you started out with the dream and revealed it was a dream only when she woke up.

**Structure**

P1: MC is getting ready for bed, not much else to be said. "headed" is an awkward word choice, a bit too colloquial for the voice you use later on.

P2: Starting out a story with a dream is a lot of people's pet peeve. I personally don't mind, but my understanding is this is a bit cliche. Your voice shifts a bit here, becoming more fanciful. It fits the content of a dream but a shift at paragraph 2 is a bit jarring.

P3: "fumbled for her glasses" is your 2nd fragment in 3 sentences. You can use artistic license to put them in, but this close together is a bit too many for my taste. Also, no need for a comma before "horizontally" possibly not necessary before "in avant-garde..." 

P4: Interesting twist. You get rid of any tension right before hand though. Its a bit surprising to brush against something like that when you portray your MS as perfectly relaxed and sleepy as opposed to dreading something. If its surprise you're going for, I suppose that worked, but this feels

Hi there, and thanks for sharing and for your openness to constructive critique.

I have to agree with other commenters that I was not really hooked in the beginning, only at the end of your piece when you reveal your premise. The premise however *is* interesting. You might want to think about ways of how to catch the readers attention right from the beginning though, or you might lose them.

"lightly and graciously, across the tarmac where raindrops splattered, large and heavy." 

I can see what you're doing here, with trying to establish the contrasts that will be important later in the piece (light vs heavy body). So, I liked that part. It can be read as a kind of foreshadowing.

I also think (hope?) that the elements Cecilia cites, and Life Sciences, will play a role later on in your piece. But, of course, that's hard to say or judge if we don't know. What you should avoid is: drawing attention to random things that do not suit a purpose for the development of your story. If things

ok first of all the plot is really interesting really like the over all feel of it, had me invested through the whole thing. Congrats to you you just achieved the purpose of the first chapter which is to attract the reader

now what i didn't like was the abrupt and random amount of info that was being stuffed into my mouth, there was a flow of things but what it lacks is detailed description. 

overall it was a great intro thanks for presenting.

Hello. This is the first chapter of a short story. 

STORY: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I_ieGkbxfe7CuqAwYSDlOkXF52Bu9aVb9qytUbXN6Mk/edit

CRITIQUE: https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/nln6uz/957_chapter_1_part_1_character_intros/gzpok6n/ (957)

Thanks in advance!

[568] The Otherbody