Ask questions. Benefits your confidence, and life in general.

A lot of advice and tips advocate 'inner game'. You're told to be 'confident', 'assertive', and all that jazz. And it works!

But how do you get there? It's harder to get there when you've never been there. It's more difficult to feel confident and assertive and maintain it when you don't know what it feels like.

One way is to remember a time you know for a fact you were confident. Maybe it was the time you studied your ass off for an exam and swaggered in the room, knew for sure you aced the test, and swaggered out. Or when you stepped onto the court/field and knew you were going to have a good match. Remember that feeling, try to relax, and feel it.

But assertiveness? That was confidence, but how do you be more assertive? Assuming assertiveness means you're ready to say what's on your mind and do what you feel like, here's how: ask questions.

Not classroom questions. To be assertive, you have to know what you want and how to get there. Then, you need to be confident (that first part) and do what you need to.

Ask yourself questions to figure out what you want. For instance, I was figuring out why I wanted to do a certain workout routine (Starting Strength), even when I knew it would clash with my tennis training. So I asked myself:

• "First, is my goal to do the workout program as is? No, because I want to become stronger in general."
• "Okay, so my goal is to become stronger. What does 'stronger' mean? It means being able to move heavier things, and put up higher weights in my workouts."
• "So if I don't follow the program exactly, can I still achieve my goal? Yes, I think so."
• "How? Increasing the weight at a slower pace will help, because tennis will take a toll on my energy and body, and especially recovery. I can still lift weights and increase the weights, just not at the pace that SS is at."
• "So what is your final plan? Practice tennis as usual, and add workouts into my week. The weight will be increased in lower increments, that's it."

Now I know exactly what needs to be done. (If you're still vague and slightly confused or not yet specific enough, drill down your questions. I.e., "What will I do on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?", etc) All that's left for me to do is just act on that plan.

This gets rid of the fear of the unknown and gets rid of your "directionlessness". Now you know what you want, and you've got a solid plan in your head, damn if you aren't going to go out there and do work!

Remember, both your goal and your plan to get there can be fluid, they can be changed. What's important is that now you have something to work towards. And as you work, you'll encounter things that make you re-evaluate your goals and methods, which are usually learning experiences (failures that you need to make sure you learn from). You learn, you refine your methods and keep getting closer to your goals.

This takes practice. Deliberate practice, like anything. But it's really useful. Sometimes it's hard to get started when you don't know where, so for people who are really struggling with this, try some of these (as applied to seduction):

• "What is my final goal in learning seduction?"

Example answers: Getting an LTR; lots of fuck buddies; learning to be better socialized etc etc..

• "How can I get there?"

Ex: hang out at places that potentially have girls I like; approach girls during daytime; make an effort to hang out with friends more etc etc..

• "What are some of my weak points right now and what can I do to make them stronger?"

Ex: not being social enough, so make sure to hang out with at least 3 different people a week; carrying on a conversation beyond short small talk, so concentrate on conversation threading and learning how to be a good conversationalist; kino, so do a 100 sets challenge (these can be used for any kind of sticking point)

• "What are some of my strong points right now?"

This isn't so much an improvement/goal finding thing as it is something to help keep you in a good mindset. Make sure you keep your good points and assets in mind too. Focusing only on how you're weak at things or a failure is toxic to your self-esteem.

• "What kind of girl do I want?"

Be really specific. Just by knowing what you want, you start screening girls more and qualifying them. Also, you'll be happier when you have standards that you can hold girls to, rather than falling for every girl who talks to you (me, I'll admit haha).

Ex: a not-too-ugly, not-too-hot brunette with a good sense of humor, loves to play the clarinet and run, likes to cook and appreciates good food, doesn't like to laze around, doesn't like pineapple, enjoys a good picnic; a smoking hot redhead who has a high sex drive, extremely social and doesn't care too much about books; a dark-haired, blue-eyed beauty who loves books, enjoys writing, likes to take long drives; etc etc. You get the idea.

• "So now I know what kind of girl I want, now what kind of guy is that girl attracted to, and how can I become a unique (read: not poser, still being yourself) version of that guy?"

• "Do I have my life in order? Or at least my life isn't enough of a mess that it prevents me from achieving my goals?"

• "Am I following my personal values, morals, and principles?"

Important. Mucho important-o. Make-o sense-o?

You are the most important person in your life. When you go against your own philosophy, that's lame. Rather than pleasing the girl, you're seen as a doormat, somebody weak. Besides, following your own values gives you a sense of rock-life confidence and solid calm. You don't have this nagging voice in the back of your mind, you can stride ahead confidently and with a clear conscience.

Try those questions. Then come up with them on your own.

This technique can be applied to basically anything in life:

• "I got a B on this last test. Where did I do worse on the test? What can I do to make it better? What techniques will help me study better?"

And so on.