Girlfriends dad is sick, and i'm an egoistic douchebag.

Hey reddit. To start of, it just feels like i need to get this out there.

My girlfriend since three years back has finnish roots. Both her parents emigrated to Sweden(Where we all live today) during their early teens and her father really identifies with Finland. You may think that this is irrelevant, but you'll understand later.

Before me and my GF got together, her dad had just beaten cancer for the first time. He lost his stomach and according to my gf, he became less jolly. He fell down in some kind of depression after surviving which led him to drink more. As i've come to understand it, he's always had trouble with alcohol. Either way, as he progressed and got better and better, we all thought it was going to be okay.

We were wrong. In february, he got diagnosed with type two of skeletal cancer. We were told that it is incureable and that the only thing the doctors could do was to increase his life quality during the time he had left, which according to them could vary between 6 months and 6 years.

In the missled of november he got some kind of infection. We all came as fast as we could, since it apparently could be his last days in life. The doctors now said that he probably wouldnt survive another two weeks.

Now its been 6 weeks and he's still kicking it. Relatively speaking, he's never been especially happy. He has decided that he wants to see his homeland Finland one more time, and now we're all going after new years eve.

Here's why I feel bad, except for Marrkus' cancer: I miss my girlfriend and i feel guilt because of my egoism. Ever since he got the infection, my gf has been staying with her parents. This is ofcourse good for her, and i really want her to help her mother through the process, but i want her. I can't afford to quit school (which is a couple of hours away) so I can't be there either.

Part of me just wants this do be over, so regular life can start again. It hurts to admit, but i'm obviously an unsensitive douch. I think i might not have realized that he actually is going to die, but i still know it.

Why do I feel this way? Is there any way for me to connect with their family more so that i can understand better?