I think I've stopped caring about other people completely.

So, relationships, I just don't care anymore.

That's a dramatic way of putting it, it's not depression (at least not the way I've heard it described by other people), or that forever alone nonsense.

I did care back in the day. Could fall in love at the drop of a hat, friendzoned for years, sad familiar tale most of reddit can relate to. It never worked, not even once, no-one I legitimately cared about has ever felt like pursuing a relationship with me. Maybe I came off as clingy, or desperate, or just retarded. Maybe I was really being all of the above. I don't know, all that really matters is it didn't work.

With this in mind, I set about trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, look at other guys who had more success with women, understand the whole "girls only date assholes" phenomenon. Learned to play relationships like they're a game, manipulative, understand the rules, score points, the whole deal. Became cold, callous, incredibly selfish, etc.

My love life is no longer a matter of what I like, who I am, being honest with anyone - it's a matter of what works.

And it works. It's incredibly effective, It's just not satisfying, I've never had a relationship longer than six months, and normally it's me breaking it off because I've gotten exhausted with the effort of pretending to care.

And I hate the world for it. When I'm legitimately interested in someone else, chances are they won't even give me the time of day, or they'll run me through loops and take advantage of me. When It's someone I don't give a fuck about, I'll go out and do the exact same thing I hate having done to me. Either way I can't succeed in a way that really matters.

Where to go from here?