I can't seem to handle this anymore

Three years ago I was 18 I got kicked out of the house by my parents (long story which I'd rather not go into). Being kicked out of the house has severely impacted me to the point of depression and even loss of emotions. Being depressed and emotionless, I didn't manage to make much of my previous relationship or my studies or much of anything really...

I never had many friends, and last year seemed great... except for the fact that given my previous not-so-good grades (thanks to parents and depression) I have now been put on academic probation which in turn caused me to lose many of my university friends.

I am now forced to find a job since I am running out of savings, but next year I would love to return to university, which I can, if I find some money somewhere...

I have been together with my amazing girlfriend for about 3-4 months now, but I find myself growing more depressed and emotionless every day.

I tell people I think about suicide every now and then, but amazingly nobody seems to take me serious, not my parents, not my friends, not my doctor, ...

If there is 1 thing you get taught in med school, it's how to kill yourself painlessly, which seems to become more and more tempting every day.

I wouldn't classify myself as a mentally instable person, for me killing myself would be a very very rational choice, hence the suicidal thoughts are rational.

I do not want to commit suicide, but it becomes more tempting every day :( I just want my memories erased or find a way to cope with all the shit this world throws at me and deal with the great injustice that has been done to me.

Any insights or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading