trying to motivate but in the end its depression

Right, so i tried motivating myself but it just doesnt work. Right now i am on reddit typing this up. My life is very much far from even started. I shouldnt be on reddit. I should be active. I am 29 years old and i have no job, no future outlook, no money, no car and i have a kidney disease. I live in the same place for 29 years, i have only been to a few states and out of the country once. I spent the better half of my life doing meaningless jobs and never saving a dime, I dropped out of community college and tech school because i just stopped caring and couldnt keep up. I Feel lost, hopeless and literally every day i say to myself i should end it all. I see a therapist and do take anti depressants but i feel its not working. I know what i should be doing. Going to school and working my way into a career but i dont know how to start these things. I dont even know what i am interested in. I feel alone and even at 29. I barely talk to people but i do have a wonderful girlfriend. I live in a huge city and because of this i cant afford to move on my own with out my girlfriend. I am not independent. I drug myself to sleep every night wondering if tomorrow will be the day things will look up. But by the end of the day, nothing changes. Nothing has been accomplished. Nothing. I try to look on craigslist to move to another state but i never been most places so i wouldn't know where to begin. I really dont want to be subscribed to r/depression. I really want success in my life. I feel i wasted the better half of my adult life doing nothing and now all i have is regret and failure. i. am. useless.