Nothing is enough; how to and why keep going?

All my life I've spent trying to get ahead of other people in some way. I've read tons (really, that's what I spent my teen years on) about various topics that never interested my peers, to find some sort of meaning in them. The thing I seem to have thought the most during all of my years is moral code - which puts me in a weird spot, considering that now, all I can be proud of is not being proud of anything, a feat that's rarely (never) appreciated by anybody given that I lose myself and show my arrogance to dispel any chance of anybody ever noticing any of my 'silent' good values.

I'm currently studing CompSci for the first year. I've contemplated just about everything, and I don't think if I'll ever know I made the right choice - choosing seems to have been done in terms of how better I can be at the field compared to other people. Naturally, real sciences are better for making one's achievements nearly factual truths rather than merely more popular opinions. My mind is probably more fitting for soft sciences though, perhaps political activism, since making imaginary arguments in my head seems to be virtually the only thing I ever do.

The way I try to find as much of objective truth to whatever argument I can thing off is very much like the way I chose (assuming I stay in CompSci, which is certainly not given) my career - I think of things that give me, as a person, working for such and such field, or arguing for such and such point, value in my weird and unique value system that's probably never going to truly leave my head.

Oh, and I frequently daydream of power, influence and other things. With me as some genius science wizard, or a great politician, a incredible leader, or something even more ridiculous. The most important fact seems to be that I've not cheated my way there - I've achieved everything by being better at things.

Socially, and on paper, I shouldn't be a lost cause. As far as looks go, if it was not for the messy haircut and crappy clothing (both of these are there to provoke idiots to bash me, to make me feel better about myself by comparison to the idiots in the process), I'd probably look decent. As for my personality, the absolute majority of my negative traits come from me not caring about about normal social contact, wanting relationships with perfect decency, supremely meaningful discussions and so on. The one bad thing about that is that I realize that I'm very far from perfect myself, so feeling 'above' somebody's imperfect manners, for example, seems very superficial, yet I can't help but to feel that way.

I go out with friends that I don't like in vain hope of finding some part of that perfection, in the end, hopelessly. I often forget that they don't really care about any of that crap and annoy them by 'teaching them how to life', as some have called it. You'd thing I'd be happy with other perfectionists, however, due to doing bad at school ("I'm too good for this ineffective learning to be of any value to me" - me in my childhood) and being too arrogant to talk to the good students (I always thought they were very sad due to being, openly or in an obscured way, but in the end, surely, proud of their academic achievements as if it was proof of them being smarter, even though, as I was and still am sure, it's only hard work and care for what I then considered utterly stupid exercises) I haven't fallen in contact with too many of them. But even when I talk to them, I often feel like they're too dry, specific, coarse and only really care about being right in an argument - much like me, probably, but that doesn't help. The spiritual ones seem pretentious to me, and it's hard for me to understand why I crave for artsy thoughts in smart people when I feel like the artsy people themselves are too pretentious to see objective truths, and thus be of any use (for purposes of my interest \ amusement \ whatever) in a discussion with me.

I honestly haven't met a girl I'd like to go out with. And I don't even have high standards for looks, really. All I care for is values similar to mine, and being an interesting conversation partner, both of which are impossible. Not that I try hard to find a girl I'd like - I don't pursue any hobbies or activities that would allow me to do that, and besides, I have no hope.

I probably could work around these problems, fix insomnia (writing this at 5 AM in local time; it's usual), learn to better appreciate things, perhaps with psychological counseling. I could kill procrastination and perhaps even positively lose myself in work, at least briefly. I probably could achieve an average (in influence, wealth, and everything else measurable) life, a group of friends, acting nice and pretending I enjoy it.

But even if I achieved something many consider great, which I have no delusions of being likely, not only it will never be enough, I will have been driven there by an animal instinct that seems both vain and possibly leading to subjective thought that only deludes both me and my opponents rather than reaches objective truth, only to feed my ego.

TL;DR and summary - I'm a sad, arrogant person I myself like the least of everybody. I see no point in any of my goals that would be of any real value to the world. I see nothing that could make me happy. I've never contemplated suicide, in case you're wondering, but how does, if any of you happen to know, such a megalomaniac-ish person find his place?

Any thoughts (or funnies, if that's all you can offer) greatly appreciated.