Personal Thoughts on Leaving Christianity

I was raised a in a Christian household, and eventually made the decision (inevitably) to become one. I went to Sunday school as a kid, and even attended a Christian school during most of my elementary school years. I never rarely questioned Christianity, however I have always believed in scientific developments (such as evolution) that some fools hide behind. My high school years (I'm a freshman in college now) weren't filled with much church, as I probably went a total of six or seven times. I still wholeheartedly believed in everything Christianity said, though.

The biggest development that led to my questioning of (and eventual departure from) Christianity was simply the history surrounding the New Testament. The fact that Jesus had no contemporary sources documenting his miracles (despite the large number of historians) and lack of mention until Josephus really got the ball rolling, so to speak (I believe that he existed, but if he was truly divine why did no historians even give him a mention?). Another thing had to do with the Gospels; in church they portray them as being written alongside Jesus' live, however the fact that they were written nearly half a century (or more) later by people who probably never met Jesus was also a big alarm for me. So eventually I stopped believing.

Now there were bad things about the church (I felt guilty about a lot of shit that I shouldn't have), but looking back on my experiences I don't think that my religion ever affected anyone else. I never tried to impose the moral laws dictated by the Bible onto anyone else.

To be honest, I'm actually very sad about leaving religion. I loved the idea of being able to spend eternity with all of my loved ones in a place where there would be no pain (on the other hand, the idea of non-Christians going to hell really pained me). I also loved praying; it's hard to explain, but praying with others was such a comforting feeling. I'd say that I've actually been a bit depressed the past couple of weeks rather than happy. Though I feel liberated to live by my own moral law rather than that of a 2,000 year old book's, it's pretty hard coming to terms with a lot of this.

I realize that this, being my own experiences, might not have to do with many of you all, but it feels good to put it into words. I'd also like to hear from anyone who felt the same way as I do right now, and how you got past it.