Family: isn't it about...exclusion?

So, tomorrow my wife and I have the pleasure of sitting around outside the temple while my wife's cousin gets married. Of course, we'll be kept company by the bride's mother, sisters, grandparents, etc., since this girl is the only member (aside from the rest of my wife's immediate family). I never realized how awful these excluded people must feel, until being one of them.

I feel guilty having been a willing part of such a system, and I know it's going to be uncomfortable sitting with them knowing what I know. I'm almost inclined to gather them 'round and describe exactly what's going on in there, but I fear that knowing what a meaningless set of repetition and nonsense it is that's keeping them out would only make it worse. "Seriously, a couple of secret handshakes is why I can't see my daughter get married?" Any stories or commiseration?