I won't (or can't) promise my girlfriend that I won't kill myself while she and I are together.

Sorry if this is the wrong spot, I typed "suicide" into the search bar for subreddits and it brought me here.

Anyway, I've always had a feeling, ok, not always but since probably about 12 (and I'm 26 now) that my end will be suicide. Not saying I want to die, or that I'm miserable or I can't take it or anything of that sort. Just that at some point I'll decide "ok, that was enough" and there I go. I have any number of ways at easy access to do just that if/when the choice gets made.

Well my girlfriend and I have discussed this particular "premonition" of mine and she has asked me that if nothing else I won't do it while we're together because she'd never forgive me. Well we've been together for 4 years now and it's honestly looking like it's going to be for a great deal of time longer still but I can't make that promise that she's asking for. Yes, I get that deciding to die could be viewed as a selfish act regarding the way it will affect my family and loved ones but in truth I've lived quite a selfish life and I'd rather be thought of as selfish than as a liar if I do promise her and then go back on my word some day.

It's a damned odd dilemma to be in.

Now, the caveats and addendums to avoid undue worry. No, I am not choosing to do this tonight (or likely any time soon), no I am not looking for help with regard to my feeling that my end someday will be self administered, no I do not support suicide as a knee jerk refuge in a trying time but I do support the idea of the right to rationally decide when it's your time. I no longer drink or do drugs so no worries about stupidity arising from a non-binding state of mind. No I have not talked to anyone outside of my girl or reddit regarding this feeling that suicide will be my path as I don't want my life to be unduly affected by an overzealous friend who's just trying to help but wind up depriving me of my hobbies, means of making money or liberty in extreme cases.