Manic episode and jail time

Some people have seen my writings on here before, I don't write often but when I do I write a bunch. This is a doozy of a story, but it's completely true.

As the title says I had a manic episode and have spent a while in jail. I'm actually in really deep trouble legally. I won't say what the charges were or in which county they were filed. However, no one was hurt but me, but I "lost it", went into all I can describe as a disconnected event, possibly a psychotic break.

I fucked up BIG TIME.

In jail I had one doc tell me that I was taking enough prozac to cause mania, mix that with the caffeine I was taking to stay awake and the stress of personal events and I went over the edge. I had also forgotten my meds for 2 days at the most... hectic work week and very little sleep, not a good enough excuse.

While I was in jail (between 1 and 2 months) I never received my meds: prozac, abilify and zyprexa.

I still can't concentrate because of everything that has happened so fast.

Part of the point of this is to remind people how important it is to take your meds. The law doesn't really care if you miss your meds, as far as they are concerned, it's your responsibility.

But also this is a warning to watch the environmental factors, stress, sleep, personal relationships and such. Surround yourself with people that lift you up, not bring you down. I always knew I wanted to help others but I found out recently how easily I can be manipulated into doing things that harm myself in more ways than just physical.

I don't know how I can go on living with what I did, but I don't have a choice anymore. I've contemplated ending it all but that's not an acceptable option anymore.

I just feel trapped, now I feel trapped inside my head. Which I guess is better than trapped inside my head while being locked behind bars inside a Jail like an animal with truly evil people. That time has been the hardest part of my life so far. And the day I got released I was told by my family that my ex is now trying to take my daughter away from me completely...

I've never hurt anyone before in my life, but for one night I was a monster and now I feel like I'm losing everything. How do I pursue the light at the end of the tunnel when I don't feel like opening my eyes in the morning much less getting out of bed...

Any comments or advice would be appreciated, this community is always helpful. Unfortunately I can't be more specific about the incident, at least until after everything is said and done legally.