I brought my boyfriend(?) drugs in rehab.

The question mark is because he's kinda my ex. I still love him very much and I think he cares about me. Regaurdless of his relationship to me, I messed up and i'm feeling immense ammounts of guilt because of what I did.

He (I don't want to mention names) was checked into a 28 day program at a hospital. It was his last day in treatment before he was going to move an hour and a half away fom where I live to become part of a halfway house.

For some reason, while he was at the hospital, he didn't want any visitors. Not me, not his parents, nobody... this made me very sad because I missed him soo much. We had been talking via facebook messages the whole time he was in treatment. On his last day after talking a while about how he wanted to get high once more before his 6 month stay at the halfway house. He told me that if he didnt get what he wanted he would have found some way to get drugs in the halfway house and that he wouldnt take his sobriety seriously there. he eventually said "i'm giving you a chance to see me again before you can't for 6 months, do I have to bother someone else that I don't even want to see to help me out?"

I caved. I went to the hospital and I tapped into my personal stash of H and gave him what he asked for. I did it mostly because I thought about being in his position, I would've wanted someone to do the same "favor" for me. Also, I really missed him. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to hug and kiss him. I wanted to hear his voice and hear him say "I love you." He was so nice to me and I loved every second I got to see him.

In his transition from one treatment center to another, he got his cell phone. We were text messaging and we talked about what happened. When he got to the halfway house, advisors confinscated his cell phone. They invaded his privacy and read through our conversation. They told his mom about what happened and she no longer wants me to be a part of his, or her, life. She deleted me from facebook, and she told my mom. I covered my ass (to my own mother) by saying that he puts drug dealers numbers under his friends names (which he sometimes does do...) and so I didn't get in any trouble.

I want to make the trip out to visit him, but i'm scared that his mom will be there when I do... and I can't talk to him to even find out if he wants to see me.

What I did was wrong and I feel so badly. I messed up any chance of ever getting back together with him because his family now hates me and blames me for his addiction. I have no idea how he feels because I have no way of talking to him...

I don't know how to make things right. The only good thing that came from what happened was my selfish desire to see my love. I adore this kid and saying no to him was something I tried to do, but I just couldn't deny him.

TL;DR: it was someone I love's last day in a rehab program before his 6 month stay at a far away halfway house. He aske me to bring him heroin and I did because I wanted to see him so badly. His family found out and now hates me.

I don't know if I should go visit him (I wont bring him drugs again) because his mom might be there... and I can't talk to him to find out if he holds what I did against me or to find out if he even wants to see me.

I'm sad and I need advice. Reddit please help!