In love with my best friend

Yeah, pretty much what the title says. In love with one of my closest friends, whom I also live with (with one other person).

He's trans (ftm) and so am I. I never told him how I felt, but we got very drunk and made out. The next day we talked about it and then had sex. We said we'd see how things worked out. For the next week we didn't do anything, and finally we talked about it, and he said he doesn't want to have any kind of relationship with me because we're good friends and he doesn't want to hurt me. And he's still in love with someone else.

So, now I pretty much just have to get over him and just be friends again, I guess. But it sucks, and a part of me is still hoping that he will change his mind. I can't help but feel maybe if somehow I make myself better, smarter, more attractive, he'll want me. I know that's not true, but I can't help thinking it.

I love him very, very much, and most of all I want to be friends with him. Having more than that would be amazing, but I don't feel like I deserve it.

Ugh. Advice?