God's Obituary [self]

author: jerrybob (5 months) | author karma: 7/73 | original story's comments | [flag](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23atheismbot&subject=flag&message=Please describe why you're flagging this submission - http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/nuly6/gods_obituary/)

December 28 (AP) God - creator of Heaven, Earth and lotsa other stuff - died today at his villa in Tuscany, his publicist announced. He was believed to be about 30 billion years old, although some claimed he was much younger - like, 6025 or so.

God was known from an early age as having extraordinary gifts and for being a bit of a practical joker. As a teenager he dabbled in creation, but it was not until he was 25 that he created what many consider his masterpiece, The Universe. But he spent the remainder of his life regretting it, associates said.

"I fucked up," he told angels at a gathering last year, as his health continued its rapid decline that began when George Bush was elected. "This whole thing about Jesus being my son has really gotten out of hand. But at least I'll be dead soon and those fuckin' evangelicals will go straight to hell. I mean, what a bunch of fuckin' losers."

"And what's with all this Bible shit, anyway?" God continued. "Get a grip, people. They're parables written by delusional, uneducated idiots. And thousands of years later they're believed by delusional, uneducated idiots. What the fuck?"

The third son of Tyrone and Betty, God was born Jean-Marie Silverstein. As his popularity grew, he changed his name to "God Almighty," but for a time he became so disillusioned with evangelicals that he tried to distance himself from them by changing his name to "The Creator Formerly Known as God Almighty." Later he shortened the name to simply "God," although his many male friends called him "The Machine."

God never married.

God also railed against those who believe that the Earth and humans are unique in all The Universe. "Oh, c'mon. I created billions of galaxies, each containing billions of stars. Do the math, you fuckwits. I mean, Jesus Christ."

A memorial service is not planned. God's publicist requested that, in lieu of sending flowers, people should have gay marriages and abortions, just to piss off the evangelical losers who'll be going to hell soon anyway.

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