I wrote my suicide note, I think I just want people to know me, good and bad.

I have trouble sharing my bad, sad, unlikable feelings. I think I might feel better if someone genuinely cared about me despite me being less than ideally happy sometimes. I don't know, I think it would help to not keep secrets that I think might hurt others or make them want to move onto someone happier.

Suicide Note

"I was never a perfect or happy child. I haven't changed as an adult. At least, I've found some love in my heart, I see the good things in me. I also see where I'm headed. I'm headed into a sad, desperate and meloncoly life of degradation. Maybe if I had started dreaming of a bright future as a kid I would have more for myself now, but I was late on dreaming and now that's caught up with me. I've killed myself because I don't want to live desperately or any less than ideally. I want the bright lights and riches life can bring. I've put in my effort to gain it in the way that I felt would work best for me. I've failed. Who knows, if I had more time I could have made it into a nice life. I just don't have anymore time. I'm about to fail and fall hard on my ass. I guess thats why I'm feeling that suicide is my only answer.

Here's the truth:

I have bills and rent to pay.

I have barely enough money to pay the bills, which I'll do, for my roommate.

I have tried to make money being a webcam model and a sugar baby. I don't have the work ethic to do webcam work and finding a sugar daddy takes time. I ran out. I know I could do it and that seems to make me happy. I wish I could have the chance.

I won't ask for money or support or help from friends or family. I've leaned on them too much, I couldn't stand to live a life where I do it again.

I want to be saved, but life isn't like a movie. There aren't any miracles for me.

I regret the pain and confusion I'll leave behind, but everyman for himself in this world. I'm to blame and responsible for my own life, I've failed to support myself, so what use can I be.

If I can't support myself, I'll end up dying in an even worse situation than this. I'm avoiding those. My hope is running out."