Been in a long relationship. Don't feel completely committed. Need advice.

Hey Reddit. So I'm in a bit of a pickle. I've been in a 3 year relationship with a lovely girl. We both started dating at the beginning of college and are currently seniors. Emotionally for me, it was more than just an early college hook up. In high school, I got almost no attention from girls and many of them didn't think much of me. Before graduating high school, I asked out the girl I had liked throughout all of high school and she simply rejected and friend zoned me. I was completely distraught but I still kept contact with her throughout the years.

When I went to college, I received tons of attention from girls for some odd reason. There was one I had a major crush on and she ended up being the girl I've been with for over 3 years. After the first month or so, my "love" for her began to rub off. One of the reasons why I stayed with her, is that I wanted it to be a big FUCK YOU to the girl who rejected me in high school who always stalked my Facebook and posted comments on my wall.

Just as a little background, this girl I've been dating is South Asian and her parents would never accept me. I never see her outside of college like summer breaks or winter breaks, and most of the time her parents visit which limits our quality time together. In college, I mostly study as I'm a nuclear physics major. She always says I put no time for her, but in reality the constraints her parents put on her hurt any chances of anything developing. And I've known this for three years which is why I didn't wish to get serious.

For as long as I've been with her, many of the things she does really annoys me and I don't really see as material I find in a soul mate. We are also slightly different personalities. I've tried breaking up with her at least 30 times over the 3 years but my really passive personality and her clinginess always results in make ups. Shes a very beautiful girl, but to be honest shes not my type at all. Shes small and petite with very short hair and I basically like the exact opposite.

My pickle is that I feel like a douchebag. I still have feelings for her, which is normal considering I've been with her for three years, but I don't see us lasting past graduation which is coming up. I really saw college as a time to experiment with different girls (not in the lustful way) to see who I'm truly compatible with. I see other girls who are in my major and I dream of starting a life with them. I talk to other girls outside of class and I feel a deep connection and attraction that I've probably never had for my girlfriend. I only went out with her in the first place because I was a naive easily infatuated nerd out of high school.

I'm wondering whether people have had similar troubles committing their girlfriend and thought about other people while in their relationship. I'm also thinking how I can approach this in a noble way, so that feelings aren't hurt. I'm in a real bind. I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel like I've been unfaithful since the very beginning since I saw no future and constantly looked for other options.

I've done all the wrong things in the process though. I feel like I've given her too much false hope as I'm still a really good boyfriend to her and give her lots of affection and spontaneity. I give her attention that almost nobody else has given her. At this point my girlfriend ignores all her female friends because she feels more comfortable around me for every sort of thing.

Deep down inside, I feel like there is a lot of good qualities about her but I just never gave her a chance to win my heart 100%. Maybe its just the lack of attraction I have for her. I tend to think I would give another girl 1000% the amount of treatment I give my current girlfriend. Maybe its just me, who knows.

BTW, my girlfriend absolutely adores me and wants to marry me even if it means alienating her whole family. I'm so fearful about this and let her know I'm not bold enough to pull something like that. I also told her not to think about the future as long as shes with me considering we don't see each other outside of campus. I'm 21 and I'm not thinking about marriage. To be honest, I think about marriage with other girls...just not her.

TL;DR - Been with girlfriend 3 years. I constantly look at other girls for future affection. Don't know if I'm being normal and fair. Very confused.