Making the Yuletide Gay UPDATE: My older brother wants me to look into Christian conversion therapy, I told my dad "Penis Rocks!" and I came out to my best friends (two straight guys from church)

This is just an update on my last post (http://redd.it/nner9) about coming out this holiday season.

------------CLIFF NOTES VERSION------------

Things are still going well with my parents after coming out last week. On Christmas Day, I came out to my older brother and my two best friends (straight guys from church). For the most part, both experiences were positive.

------------LONG VERSION------------

Parents Update:

My parents still seem to be dealing with the news pretty well. Funny thing, my dad playfully keeps trying to rile me with embarrassing questions like, "So do you get turned on when you see a guy's penis?" Not one to "lose" in a game of who-can-make-the-other-feel-more awkward, I exclaimed, "Dad, penis rocks!" He blushed, burst out laughing, and ran out of the room. :-)

But in all seriousness, my parents are genuinely interested in learning more about this new situation. In one conversation, they expressed concerns of a partner giving me AIDS or a gold digger taking advantage of me (I'll graduate pharmacy school in a year). They also still have some misconceptions that need clarifying. For instance, they thought gay relationships only involve a masculine guy (which they termed a "straight guy") and a feminine guy (which they termed a "gay guy"). Another example, they thought it was possible for a gay guy to have a romantic relationship with a woman if she's lesbian.

Before I drove back home I made them promise me that they'll attend at least one local PFLAG meeting. Hopefully, that will shed some light on a few of their worries and false preconceived ideas while I'm not in town.

Coming Out to my Best Friends:

Very early Christmas morning, I came out to my best friends at IHOP. They're both straight guys I've known for several years from church. I hadn't attended church regularly since I "came out" to myself. So, for the past year, they've been bugging me for my reason(s) and I've always been ambiguous. I knew it was time when they asked again at the restaurant.

• Them: "Tell us why you don't go to church anymore!"

• (Pause)

• Me: "Don't freak out, okay?"

• Them: "Fine."

• Me: "You sure you won't freak out?"

• Them: "Yes! C'mon, Tell us!"

• Me: "Okay!"

• (Really Long Pause)

• Me: "I'm gay"

• (Pause)

• Them: "(sigh), is that it?" "It's fine." "You know we still love you."

• Me: "You sure yall are okay? I mean, don't worry about me hitting on you guys or anything. Yall are like my brothers and that would be incest."

• Them: "Don't be stupid."

They were actually disappointed that I didn't tell them sooner when they learned I've known for 1-2 years already (but there were signs since I was 5). Surprisingly, they were actually acting pretty protective saying that it's hard to find a decent boyfriend with an upstanding character, that I need to be careful, and that I shouldn’t have a boyfriend who keeps me away from hanging out with them. Funny thing is that they're certain I wouldn't be gay anymore if I just hav sex with a woman.

By the end of the evening, we were joking like nothing ever happened. But this time, our typical "locker room" banter also included gay topics like lube, the prostate, swallowing cum, and topping/bottoming.

Coming Out to my Brother:

Last but not least, I came out to my older brother on Christmas Day. I was most worried about him since he's a very devout Christian. In fact, he was just one semester shy of completing the seminary a couple years ago. It all happened at the dinner table after the family played a round of Settlers of Catan (btw, a pretty awesome board game).

• Mom: "Have you told your brother yet?"

• Me: "No."

• (Pause)

• Me: "(Brother's Name), I'm gay."

• (Pause)

• Brother: "Oh"

• (Pause)

• Brother: "I still love you."

• (Lifetime/Disney TV Hugs All Around)

As expected, he asked me what I thought about the traditional Christian view of homosexuality. I told him that I think I'm in trouble (nice way to put "there's a very good chance I'm going to hell"), which he seemed to think was an interesting reply from an out homosexual. I said that I don't know what's worse: the real hell or the hell of self-loathing, loneliness, depression, etc.

He mentioned he knew of a good Christian gay conversion program called "Exodus International" (shudders) and he heard a very convincing sermon by a (supposedly) ex-gay heterosexually married man to whom I could definitely relate who completed the program. I told him I'd listen to the sermon if he sent I to me but made it clear I was skeptical especially in light of the many scandals involved with Exodus International.

While it wasn't the best response in the world to someone coming out, I still consider my brother's response positive and rational considering what it could have been. Honestly, I was bracing myself for a heated Christian fundamentalist lecture on fire and brimstone. All things considered, he seemed to consciously try to show love and understanding.

Other Stuff:

It feels so cathartic to finally be "out" to the people I care about most. Honestly, one of the best things about this experience is that I don't need watch my gender pronouns anymore. :-) It seems like a miracle considering my family's/friends' conservative multi-generational religious background. I mean, my dad is a founding member and the head elder of his church. Living in Texas doesn't make things any easier either (I gotta get outta here!). I was lucky to have my open-minded sister (my official "fruit fly" and the first person who I told) on speed dial as my rock in this experience.

While I didn't get anything tangible for Christmas and I'm sure I also won't get anything for my birthday (which is New Years Eve), I still managed to receive the best gift of all this season from the people I care about most: unconditional love. I know it sounds cliché but I really do mean it.

Now, all I can really wish for is an unconditionally loving boyfriend to kiss on New Year Day. ;-)