schizophrenia and smoking.

yes I made a keepsake throwaway mostly if I feel so inclined to say things I wouldn't normally say without giving up much information.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, the paranoid subtype. I was about 17 when schizophrenia triggered, not by marijuana but either the age or around that time someone gave me some laced with angel dust(this is another reason I believe pot should be legal); but of course did not even realize it triggered at the time and lived in this delusion for awhile where I was possessed by demons; awhile was a few years until of course I ran into people in lab coats that diagnosed me. I refused treatment and got out by mimicking mental disorders until and denying the delusional reality, they released me on behalf of "me faking it". The reason I mention this is to get some questions out of the way and just explain where my mind goes. how I deal with my condition is just realize what is and what is not.

enough about that though,

smoking is an interesting thing, though I am sure people in certain professions may feel that it may not be a good idea, although I enjoy it with only mild side effects to the condition.

• It stabilizes my moods, not in a way where I have one set mood but more-so that my mood changes are slower and much easier to understand where they are going and why, which enables me to have more control over them.

• I've ignored my delusion for so long that it actually takes a moment of thinking about it to bring it back while smoking, it does not just onset with the smoking. When it does come back I go through it like every day life with a few quirks and it usually goes away long before the high does because I get distracted by something else a lot easier while high

• I do catch myself talking to myself and answering and it feels like its from a different source than my thought process, like a different voice, usually these instances are asking if I am hungry or debating over the fact that I want a beer or even as minuscule as informing about the weather outside and reminding to take a jacket next time. "I will, thanks". that kind of thing.

I don't know what else to say. I'm at a [4] right now

the whole throwaway thing could have gone elsewhere but I feel trees may appreciate this one more.