Lost, alone, scared. but not hopeless!

Hello. 23 (as of December 15th) year old "male" here.

I hate being a guy, in every shape and form of it. I have in the last year come to terms with being transgender... and now I am lost.

I have no idea whats next, I know I want HRT... but I have no info on how to get it (I do, however understand what HRT is, and what it does.)

I am with a therapist right now that ignores these issues. So I am looking for a new one.. but I'm not even sure about that. I have no idea how to find a trans friendly therapist.

I have a family to come out to as well. but it's not as simple as just coming out. There is a history. I will try to make a long story short... so bear with me.

I grew up in a abusive home, with my older sister, younger sister and codependent mother. I have always thought I was a girl, and had issue stemming from that (acting too girly, playing dolls with my younger sister, getting into my sister clothes and not having any idea why it was wrong). In the mean time, we suffered abuse from my father, mostly mental some physical.

Flash forward to December 26th 2000. My father had a major wreck, he was in the hospital for about a year with a brain injury. This event brought something to light however. As it turns out, my dad was a cross-dresser. From the looks of it, it was purely sexual thing for him... I've never bothered to ask though. So... my mom gets super angry about this... for years after this, she would sit me down and ask me if I ever felt like I wanted to be a girl. I would always blush and say no then try to hide for a while. She made it apparent it is something she "will not put up with" whatever that meant. It also made my younger sister VERY uncomfortably with "those types of people".

I am okay with leaving behind my mother and father at this point.. and my older sister. But I can't take losing my sister... So.. again. I am at a loss.

I also need some kind of support group.. but there doesn't seem to be anything around here at all... (I am in a small town in Kentucky, sort of close to Lexington though).

I would like to talk with other people about all of this... namely people who have done HRT... or anyone that has a vague idea of what I am going through.

Anyway.. I hope I made all that somewhat clear haha Thanks for your time, and any help!!