I know an upvote is just a "\^this" anyway, but I wanna emphasize how well this breaks down the issues with the script. Started writing a critique myself only to realize that yours said it perfectly.

*My mum is perhaps the angriest woman I’ve met. Why is she so angry? Well, that’s a very good question.*

A question you failed to answer in the story.    
  
*The thing is, I come from a Sri Lankan family, but I was born in Australia so I grew up speaking English. So my mum, when she shouts at me, she shouts at me in Tamil, but, I don’t understand Tamil. So whenever she’s shouting at me, none of what she says actually makes any sense. It’s just an incomprehensible babble, like “AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE”. Occasionally she’ll throw in a “stupid” or “rascal” or “loose”, but other than that, it’s just a demented scream.*  
  
  
I get you’re going for more of a conversational tone, since this will be spoken, but it’s still wordy. It takes too long to get to the punchline. 

  
Chop “The thing is”, it’s filler. I would also probably lead with “I grew up in Australia, speaking English”. Then mention your family is Sri Lankan. Then maybe something like *When my mother gets mad, she s

Hey, Lingistan Wu. Thanks for sharing.

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**Is it funny?**

I'm thirty-two,  and you're presumably a teenager, so there's likely to be a bit of a discrepancy between our senses of humour. As it stands, no, I don't find it funny.

There are potentially humorous elements. For me, there's three:

1. The interaction between son and mother
2. The incongruity of his likely "traditional"-style aunts expressing a sentiment like "damn your son wild lmao"
3. The story about Sri Lankan loin cloths and the fact his mother would refer to him as one.

Failed attempts, however, include:

1. The language, while appropriately colloquial, is far too meandering and repetitive. Filler words like "so" (big offender) "but" and "just."
2. The onomatopoeia of the mother's wailing I found excessive rather than amusing. The concept is also overworked with reiterations like "demented scream" and "screeches and grunts." For me it over-emphasizes the "god aren't nagging parents *just so* annoying" teenage 

Approving this post because of the low word count of your submission. However, I would encourage a higher degree of effort in future critiques. While you cover a decent ground, this is primarily done through simple line edits and cursory responses to the writing. If you were submitting a larger piece, I would be asking for a supplementary critique or a substantial expansion upon the existing. Refer to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/wiki/critique) resource for guidance over our expectations.

>My biggest question is **is it funny?**

Overall, in my opinion, no. Some individual parts were funny. 

I apologize in advance for my terrible language and overuse of caps and italics.

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>Why is she so angry? Well, that’s a very good question.

It IS a good question. Unfortunately, it's a question that you ask and then *never answer*. An angry mom is something a lot of people can relate to without further explanation. Don't tell me that you're going to give me more information about why she's angry and then just... not. Either she's angry because it's a common trope and angry moms are funny or she's angry because of reasons that you *actually need to tell us about*.

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>Occasionally she’ll throw in a “stupid” or “rascal” or “loose”, but other than that, it’s just a demented scream.

This was pretty funny. I'd pick different insults, but that's just me.

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>Even though I don’t know Tamil, I did go to Tamil school from the ages of 4 to 15

How do you go to a sc

First Impressions: I liked the first sentence. It sounds like the beginning of a nicely worded presentation or stand up routine. The rest of it is just okay.

Second read through Impressions: Your script is pretty short so there wasn’t much to gleam the second time around but I’ll try my best to give my opinion. I wouldn’t say that it’s funny. It did bring perhaps the slightest hint of a smirk to my face but that’s about it. This sounds like one of those stories that is funny to your friends and other family members because they know your mother personally, but we certainly don’t. I understand people being confused as to who “Amma” is but I understood from the beginning because in my culture, we use that word as well to refer to a “mother” or “auntie” or matriarchal figure in the family. Other people don’t know that though. And once again, this lends credence to the notion that this is more of an inside chuckle between family and friends. I suppose navigating the nuances of that will d

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1js-C-Gj820bdIPf5NgFkFy4wKxS45mQoJ42BGVkLRkc/edit?usp=sharing

This is the script for a video that I'm planning comedy short film competition. The video will be animated; probably in a similar style to Casually Explained if that gives any indication.

So I know a lot depends on both the video and my delivery of the lines (appropriate pauses and affect etc), but I wanted to make sure first that the script is good.

My biggest question is **is it funny?** Then, is the narrative cohesive? Then, what else should I change?

Looking forward to your feedback. Thanks!

[1674](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/nup9i8/1674_adventurous_training/h15ju57/?context=3) - 504 = 1170

[504] comedy short video script