42 and still confused

I've only been transitioning for 2 yrs. Im 42 in August.

Spent many years heavily involved in religion. I still have faith in God, but im being all of me now, not just the parts that others find more comfortable.

I wasn't raised with any particular faith, just generic Christian, mostly in December. But found the Mormon faith in my 20s. So I very actively resisted my true self thinking that's what God wanted. Me and God are good, He knows who I am and loves me exactly as myself. However it's only recently that I have allowed myself to understand this.

Im sure others have gone through a similar transition. I'm open to opinions and DMs.

I thought i was non-binary, and I guess I still am, but im seriously considering getting full SRS. I'm married and my cis wife has finally come around, but I'm not sure if she will stay if I complete the change. It's OK if we separate, but it would make me sad. We have more of a partnership than a marriage anyway. However thats not my biggest concern.

For a while my sex drive was completely gone, then it came back turbocharged, im pansexual and everything was very desirable. My drive has seemed to settle to a better pace. I find myself liking lesbian porn much more than I did before.

I'm still pan. I find myself wanting to be the girl in every way with almost every adult entertainment im looking at.

When I first found out I might be trans, I was 30 and very much enjoyed being a man during sex. However the gender alternative fantasy was always there, trying to understand why lead me to learn about the trans community. Sadly I didn't learn enough at the time and tried to stay in my closet.

I didn't know non-binary was an option and couldn't imagine life without my male part. However since I had read my first romance novel at 12, I had wondered what it would feel like to have a female part there. I didn't know those were trans thoughts. As an adult who likes their part, and the ability to produce semen, i thought i was done with my transition. My boobs could be bigger, and my face needs laser and probably botox. But I thought i was happy.

Then im watching lesbian porn, and find myself REALY wanting that feminine part. There are several feminine masturbation threads on Reddit, and some involve women being filled up in their VJ. And I really want to be them.

The thing that held me back at 30 was I thought you had to get SRS to be trans and I didn't think i wanted to change that part. It's almost sad that now I think maybe I do want to be 100% transitioned.

Would I still be non-binary? Maybe, cause i still have him days and her days. But then even on my him days I would have to squat to pee. But now im thinking it might be worth it.

I don't know what to do, I'm in a small town and the Edmonton support group is currently shutdown anyways. So im putting this out for random strangers on the internet to criticize.

So often I now feel like a dumb bitch. But im definitely her when I look in the mirror now, so that's progress.