So, because of the place of the passage you have chosen to share in the story, it’s obviously a bit hard to gauge whether it may or may not fulfill its purpose in the context of the whole story, but I am going to try.

>Demonstrate the happy childhood, Evoke Nostalgia in the reader.

You describe a happy childhood by mostly letting the narrator tell the reader about it, goal met. The part about evoking nostalgia is very subjective, partially worked on me. But, and this is way more important, the narrative goal of this part is pretty clearly to show Lucy’s growing interest in fairies, so the question should actually be whether it fulfills that purpose. And I would answer, for a story of only 5000 words, this is, for all intents and purposes, a 1200 word exposition dump that is structured a bit odd and thus not really all that climactic.

# Structure

The first sentence of this excerpt would be an excellent opening sentence, especially in combination with the straight forward title. It c

I want to start out with something superficial that doesn't affect the story itself, but the font is rather large. I don’t know if this is a stylistic choice, or if it’s to make it easier to read, but I find it makes it harder to read because of the amount of scrolling I have to do while reading. Again, there may be a reason for this, and it doesn’t affect the story, but I wanted to throw it out there.

So on to the “real” critique.

#THE STORY:

I’m also going to start by echoing what the other critiquer said about your first sentence being a good opening, so it seems odd that there’s something that comes before it. I don’t have the first part, but it seems chronologically that Lucy has an interest in fairies started by grandma, then she buys the lamp, then she grows up, etc. So why not just start here?

Early on you mention “Aliens in her storybooks.” This stands out to me because aliens aren’t really in storybooks for children, at least not in the “typical” storybook. For children, 

# Initial thoughts

I like the way that you describe things. When I first started reading the story seemed a bit too 'slice of life' for me, a bit too mundane. I don't tend to resonate too much with stories that go into nitty-gritty descriptions, but by the end I started to see the appeal somewhat. It's not that I don't enjoy mundaneness, just that I don't enjoy it for its own sake. Like when you started describing granny's house and how many bathrooms it had, I just personally don't care about that stuff too much when it comes to reading a story. Unless, that is, it's somehow related to the plot in some way, direct or indirect.

That leads in to the main problem of this story.

# Specific critiques

The beginning of the story seemed pretty abrupt. You mention Lucy's brother in one sentence and then everything else until the very end is about granny and Lucy's fascination with fairies, until the very end. As a singular work of fiction I'd say that's something that could use more of a t

***Things Done Well:***  
Right off the bat, I enjoyed how you structured this segment of the story. You gave us a detailed setting and overview of the family structure from a distance and then went straight into the story. I’m pointing this feature out because I really enjoyed the seamless images you were able to conjure within my head with imagery of the garden. The rose buds stuck out to me the most! There was a part of me that actually felt like I was at some person’s grandparents’ house viewing their outside garden (:  
  
***Questions Given In Post:***  
1.)Now, personally, I do not think the overall segment hit home for me. There is one key flaw I kept noticing as I read and I will detail later in the critique.   
2.)The prose did its job. I wouldn’t say there was anything especially wrong or great about it. Although, I do have one minor critique related to it that I’ll discuss further on.  
3.)Yes, I was satisfied with this piece.   
  
***Prose and Characterization:***

Hey, 

This is an early-mid section of a 5000 word short story I have just written. 

The premise of this story is that a young girl is sold a plastic lamp by her older brother, which he claims is a magic lamp that grants wishes. (This particular segment comes just after Lucy's brother has sold her the lamp). 

My goals with the story were to try and communicate the loss of a special type of excitement and magic from my life as I grew up and entered adulthood, and to have a narrative in which the protagonist is unable to let that magic go, and spends her adult life looking for it. 

This small part of the story is meant to demonstrate what a happy childhood the protagonist and possible evoke nostalgia in the reader. 

My questions are: 

1. How well does this segment meet the goal above? 
2. What did you think of the prose? 
3. Did you enjoy reading it? 

As always, any feedback is really appreciated and thank you in advance!

Story:  [\[1214\]](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RVRNy7QGK4vlO2RTx3mfvwjiuVr3fMTBnK6Wv7_PPH4/edit?usp=sharing)

Critique: [\[1300\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/o2abq9/1335_ouroboros_chapter_1_take_2/h27dsbc/?context=3)

[1214] The Fairy Lamp